I was right about not getting much sleep. Tera is quite the little Noise Maker. She grunts and groans and, on occasion, lets out a seemingly painful cry, I'm assuming from something I ate long, long ago that she is just now getting in her bottles. After feeding her at midnight, I got about an hour's sleep before she started in with her sweet noises. I checked on her a couple of times, just to make sure the noises weren't meaningful, then got maybe another half hour of sleep before it was time to feed her at 3:00. The nurse had offered to do this one for me, but I had to get up to pump anyway, so . . . I got another couple of hours before her 6:00 feed, and then I was up for good. Tera seemed to be as well.
At her weigh in last night, Tera weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces (2980 grams) and is 19 1/2 inches long. It makes me wonder if she would have been this size had she been born full term. Did she gain extra weight because of how much she can eat? Or did she lose extra weight because of all the calories she's been burning on the Outside? Even though Canon weighed exactly one pound more than this and was 1 1/2 inches longer than this when he was born, I can't imagine something as big as this little girl still in my tummy. She's a perfect Going Home size. That is, at least, as long as we can get through the morning with this unpredictable phenom.
Tera's 6:00 feed began the culmination of what I had been fearing the last 24 hours. At the end of her bottle, I laid her down in her crib so that I could start getting ready for our day. Within a minute or two of laying down, Tera choked. Not again! Her oxygen saturation dropped pretty low, but she was able to bring it back on her own with a little bit of coaxing from my hand banging against her back. Her nurse had come back into the room by this point, and I'm pretty sure I heard her mumble "This isn't good" before walking out again. I just knew she was on her way to tell the docs "This one is just not ready." This is why I haven't told many people that we are coming home today.
Feeling defeated, I took a shower then laid down on the couch to wait for the doctors to come give me the news that we wouldn't be going home today. A Nurse Practioner was covering for Tera's pediatrician today, and she came in all cheery and smiling, probably to soften me up for what she was surely going to say. She did the usual morning examination, then asked if I had any questions about anything. When she didn't mention anything about Tera's choking spell earlier, I decided to be the honest parent and speak up. Her only response was to question whether or not Tera needed extra oxygen to bring herself out of it. When I told her that Tera didn't, she said that was great. She'd be back in a bit with the Neonatologist.
Barry came by about 9:00, just in time to watch Tera have yet another choking spell. This time, things went just the slightest bit worse. At one point, the nurse encouraged me to step aside so that she could try to get Tera to cough it up. She basically held her upside down under her belly, then continued to pat her back roughly. After dipping two or three times into the 50s, Tera finally brought herself back out of the spell. That had to be it. Surely they wouldn't let us go home now? The nurse simply said "Don't scare your Mama like that, Tera" then left to get our discharge papers ready. I half expected Barry to jump in and say "Uh, you're not sending us home with this, are you?" but he didn't seem too bothered. I told him it must be that instead of a baby with heart problems or breathing problems, we're taking home a baby with choking problems. A few more days at the hospital probably isn't going to get rid of that, and we are both so ready to go home.
While Barry took the last of our things down to the car, the nurse came in to give us the Discharge Talk. It included all the things that every parent should know - don't shake the baby, check the baby's temperature, etc. She also gave us Tera's Discharge Summary. This will go to Tera's pediatrician, and we will keep one with us at all times. It will give any physician that sees Tera her medical history at UAB. I read through this later in the day, and it is very interesting. It tells every tiny little thing that has happened to Tera in her first 84 days of life.
I especially liked reading what happened to Tera while she was at Flowers the night she was born. I have been completely oblivious about her adventures that night. Apparently, Tera required PPV (which I think stands for Positive Pressure Ventilation - someone had to pump oxygen into her lungs) for about one minute after being born. She was then able to breathe on her own with the aid of blow by oxygen. Her oxygen saturation was in the 90s for a little while, but when she began to desat into the 60s and 70s, they decided to intubate and put her on a ventilator. Flowers also placed her UAC and UVC lines. These were used to draw blood and inject meds into her those first few days at UAB. They bragged there that Flowers did an amazing job taking care of Tera. UAB just had to keep doing what Flowers had already started.
What will continue to effect Tera for the next two or three years is her BPD. I may have mentioned this several weeks ago, but I've learned more about it since then. BPD stands for Bronchopulmonary Dysplasia. Basically, Tera has premature lungs that are scarred from her being on a ventilator and then in the Oxygenated Environment for several weeks. The doctors say that her premature lungs are covered in scar tissue which just makes all things related to oxygen a little more difficult for her. She has already begun developing her regular lungs and, as time goes by, her premature lungs will diminish and her regular lungs will take over. This process could take up to two or three years (maybe longer?) to complete. Until then, we have to be careful of exposing her to too many germs and diseases. A cold for Tera could be far more severe than a cold for a full-term baby without BPD. Because of her low birth weight, Tera will qualify for the RSV vaccination, which she will get this Fall. Tera received a dose of Surfactant at Flowers and another dose at UAB to help make her lungs as strong as possible in those early days. After being on the ventilator for only seven days, I'd say their efforts proved fruitful. Some babies stay on the vent for weeks or months.
When all had been reviewed and everything was finally in the car, it was time for us to leave. MyGoo had made Tera a beautiful gown to wear home, so I quickly changed her into it so as not to hold up our departure any longer.
Thankfully, this dress will fit for weeks to come, so we'll get more than just this one use out of it.
While Barry moved the car around, I accompanied Tera and her nurse downstairs. We passed several nurses who wished us well. Though I haven't met all of them, many have been into Tera's room to "save" her at various times. She has become somewhat of a celebrity after 12 weeks here.
When we got close to the doors leading outside, we could feel the cool wind coming down the hall. Who would ever expect it to be in the 60s in mid-May? Come to think of it, I think it was an unusually warm day in February when Tera was born. This chick has some effect on the weather! The nurse bundled Tera up tightly while we waited to go outside.
When I finally put Tera in her car seat, she seemed more uncomfortable than I remember her being during her Car Seat Test last Friday. I asked the nurse for reassurance, and she seemed to think all was fine. I gave the nurse a quick hug, and then we were finally off about 11:00.
I have to say that leaving the hospital was a little anticlimatic. I didn't have the jitters I expected. I didn't feel like crying, though this is something I would normally do. None of Tera's usual nurses were here today, so I wasn't able to see them to say good-bye for the last time. I didn't need to take one last look at Tera's room before walking out. Even after everything Tera had put me through earlier this morning, I was just ready to go. I've been watching Tera to see what she is made of, and now I want to see what I'm made of. I don't know if that is strange or arrogant or possibly normal. But it's the truth.
We stopped once in Prattville so that I could take Tera out of her car seat to feed her. No choking! Barry went in to get us lunch, then we were on the road again. We arrived in Dothan about 3:00. I waited until we were safely in the house before sending a message to my friends that we were finally home. Most did not even know we were expecting to come home today.
The original plan was for Canon to stay with MyGoo and Doc this first night we were at home. After talking with MyGoo about how Canon was, it seemed pretty obvious to both of us that he was ready to come home. It's hard to explain. He wasn't behaving badly. MyGoo could just tell that Canon wasn't acting like himself, and we both agreed he needed his Mom and Daddy. Barry and Ed drove to Troy to meet MyGoo, Doc, and Canon to bring both Canon and Barry's car back home.
I could tell we had made the right decision as soon as Canon walked in the door. He was so excited to be home. He ran around the entire house, squealing with excitement and jumping on everything in sight. When he realized Tera was here, he immediately wanted to bring her a "B." This is what Canon calls his blanket. We went to Tera's room and found the pink blanket that is just like Canon's blue one. He took the blanket to her bassinet in our room where Tera was asleep and tried to put it in the bed with her. Of course, Barry and I freaked out about his germs that were now all over the blanket and opted instead to drape the blanket over the end of the bassinet. When Canon seemed pleased, he moved on to another form of entertainment.
It was already after 9:00 when Canon got home, so we put him in bed pretty soon after. I finally got to see Barry's magic at work - getting Canon to sleep in his Big Brother Bed with minimal crying. I realized that there is absolutely no way that either of us could have done this alone. I don't know how anyone could.
After I've had time for all of this to really sink in, I'm sure I'll have more insightful things to say to conclude this little adventure. But right now, just as it did at the very beginning, everything just seems to be the way it should be. At home, there is no drama, no fluff, and no exagerrations. It's just the four of us finally under the same roof. Three months ago, I was terrified to have this baby under my sole care, and today I couldn't imagine it any other way. The beeps and dings of the monitors that provided me so much comfort at the hospital are not missed at all. In fact, I actually like not knowing every little detail of what is going on with Tera's heart and lungs. Without the numbers to look at, I feel more like her mother and less like her caretaker. It's what I've been waiting for.
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