Discharged to Recharge

For the one who enters God's rest has also rested from his works, just as God did from his own works. Hebrews 4:10

Day of Life: 3 - A Tough Decision

What Happened Last Night
At 3:00 a.m. I got a call from one of Tera's doctors at UAB. Earlier that night, around 11:00, he had made the decision to extubate her and take her off the ventilator. Not sure the exact reasons behind this decision (we learned later that the Attending on duty would not have made that decision), but nonetheless, it was made. By about 1:00 a.m. it was obvious that Tera was not going to make it without the extra help of machines, so the decision was made to re-intubate. During that process, they found blood in her throat and mouth. This was the reason for the 3:00 a.m. call to me. The doctor explained that the blood could be due to a possible scratch in her throat created during extubation. It also could be due to the possibility of blood in her lungs. Hmmm. Not what you want to hear about your baby at 3:00 a.m. barely more than 24 hours after she's born. He needed my approval to give a blood transfusion to replace the blood that Tera had lost. Um, yes please. Feel free to replace my premature baby's blood.

I made the decision not to wake up Barry who slept on the couch beside me. When he awoke on his own a few hours later, however, he was very worried about the situation and left Dothan as quickly as possible to get back to Birmingham. Hence, my reasoning for not waking him at 3:00. He surely would have been on the road then. My parents stayed with me at the hospital the rest of the morning until I was discharged around lunch time. I had made the decision the night before that, even though I was able to leave the hospital, I needed one more day of rest before facing the drama of a NICU. I was extremely tired after four nights in a row with miniscule amounts of sleep, sore from the major surgery I had endured two days prior, and just emotionally unstable from all of the above. I thought I was handling things pretty well, but I feared it would be a different story when I got to Birmingham. My parents took me home where I spent the rest of the day resting and trying to make sense of what I needed to take with me to Birmingham the next day.

How do you plan for something like this? How long would I be there before I could come back home? Do I take maternity clothes or regular clothes? It's warm now, but isn't it supposed to cool off before too long? What will Tera need? What do I need to entertain myself while at the hospital? How was I going to prepare for the live version of this:

Who will Canon stay with? What does he need? Where will I be living for the next three months? Too many things to think about, so I eventually gave up and decided to wait until I was with my husband to make any major decisions.

While I know that many mothers would probably think I am horrible for having taken an extra 20 hours before rushing to see my new baby, I think it is the best decision I've made since giving birth to Tera. While I was still exhausted when I arrived in Birmingham the next day, I saw many mothers fresh from the Delivery Room who were absolute wrecks over their preemies. I learned a long time ago that if you ever want to truly help someone, you have to help yourself first. You have to make sure you are at your best so that you can be your best for someone else. This definitely isn't my best, but it is better than I was yesterday, and that is the most I can ask for at this point.