Follow-Ups

On Friday, Tera had the last of her follow-up appointments. I may or may not have mentioned that the Ophthamologist cleared her earlier this month, saying that the vessels in her retina are mature and that there is no need for her to come back unless, of course, we find other vision issues that need his attention.

Friday's follow-up was with the Cardiologist to see if the ever-looming PDA had finally disappeared. The whole family drove up Thursday night and spent the night with Sam and Alicia. Barry took Canon to get new tires for my car while Tera and I went to the doctor. I'm continually amazed at how quiet Tera is at these doctors' appointments. She wiggles a lot but rarely cries or gets upset, despite the pokes and prods that come with every appointment. Maybe she really is just used to it. I had to give her a bottle while the Cardiologist did the Echocardiogram. She was squirming so much, it was making her heart race!

The short version of Tera's follow-up is that she is, as expected, "perfectly healthy." The nurse checked her oxygen saturation. Even while she drank her bottle (which was the number one cause of her de-sats in the hospital) she was satting 100%. I know this was a number we wanted to avoid when she needed additional oxygen to breathe, but 100% is what you want to see people satting when they're breathing room air. When Tera satted 100% in her Isolette, it meant that she needed less oxygen. Staying at 100% too long could cause eye damage. Luckily, that potential problem is no longer potential . . . and no longer a problem!

The PDA is also completely gone! No more follow-ups needed for that, which is a relief. After I left this doctor's office and headed down the hall to the Neonatologist's office to get his evaluation, the Cardiologist came back to find me to tell me of one minor issue. An "interval" of her heart had measured a little bit long. He says that it's probably an inaccurate measurement because it's hard to get a good read on such a small heart. Nonetheless, we'll need to bring her back in a couple of years to have everything checked again . . . just to be sure. If it's not worth worrying about for two years, then I'm still going with the initial "perfectly healthy" evaluation he gave us.

And, of course, what most people want to know about: Tera's size. She weighed 9 pounds 5.8 ounces at the appointment, right on track with her weight gain in weeks passed. She's also 22 inches long, which means she's lengthened about an inch and a half since we came home. I'm not sure of the percentiles for these measurements. My logical reasoning skills tell me that they are in the low numbers for a four month old (maybe even negative numbers) and probably pretty average for a one month old.

I mentioned earlier that I walked to the Neonatologist's office after Tera's first appointment. As luck would have it, her Neonatologist left for a meeting just before we got there. Because he doesn't schedule appointments, we just have to try to be at the hospital at the same time he is. His secretary told us that he would be back Sunday evening at 5:00, so we made plans to come back then. (When we came back on Sunday, we learned that he had swapped his Call time that night with another Neonatologist. Everyone seemed a little surprised that we were trying to follow-up with him, so Barry and I decided that there was really no need to continue to try to meet with him. Every other doctor has given Tera a clean bill of health, so we're thinking he won't tell us anything different.)

After Tera's appointment, we drove a little further north to Smith Lake, Barry's absolute favorite place to be. I thought that I left my camera at home, but I found it in Tera's diaper bag after we got back home. Needless to say, I didn't get many pictures.

Big Mom and Debbie were excited to get to hold Tera for the first time, and Nonna fed her several times throughout the weekend. Canon even held Tera for the first time. We were sitting on the bed with Poppa watching a movie, and Canon said that he wanted to hold her. I put Tera is his lap, and he just watched her for a few minutes. He is soooo sweet to her. He's started giving her hugs and kisses several times a day. When we ride in the car, he looks at her and smiles and talks to her. The other day, when I picked him up from school, another child was trying to reach into her car seat (don't worry, she didn't touch Tera!), and Canon said "That's my sister!" I loved it, of course!


So Canon was holding Tera on the bed, and Barry walked in the room. Without thinking, Canon tried to jump up to go see his dad. Tera did a slight Forward Bend before I grabbed her so that Canon could go see his Daddy! He hasn't held her since.
Overall, we had a great time at the lake, but just as with going to my parents' house, the weekends are a lot harder than they used to be! It's part of parenthood, I guess.

A Spouse-less Anniversary and a Child-less Father's Day

We didn't mean for our Anniversary/Father's Day weekend to turn out this way, but as we've learned in the last four months, Expect the Unexpected.

The original plan was for Barry to take Canon to the lake for the weekend and leave Tera and me at the house to relax. There were going to be lots of people at the lake, and I'm still just a little nervous about Tera being in big crowds. Instead, my mom and sister made plans to come visit us for the day on Sunday, and we would spend the rest of the weekend doing what we do best . . . not much of anything. After a couple of days with this train of thought, it suddenly seemed silly that we should sit at home alone. MyGoo and Doc invited us to come to their house, thus saving Tera and me a weekend of boredom and saving MyGoo and Ann Steiner some gas money on Sunday. Because I would now have a couple of extra sets of adult eyes, we also decided to let Canon stay with us in Greenville so that Barry could get a much needed weekend away. It really did just happen to be our Anniversary/Father's Day weekend.

The Moss Family drove to Montgomery together to meet MyGoo and Doc, who then drove me and the youngin's back to Greenville (still not ready for long roadtrips with Tera alone in the backseat, or worse . . . with Canon beside her!!). To say the least, the weekend was fun but not exactly what I would call relaxing. Anyone with children would probably attest that taking care of kids becomes much more difficult the farther you get from home. No matter what supplies you bring - snacks, train sets, movies, etc. - kids need more energy from their parents when they're away from their everyday surroundings. Canon epitomized this philosophy this weekend. Besides the normal two-year-old drama, Canon's new biggest issue is going to bed. At home, I can contain him pretty well and, though he cries a good bit, he eventually falls asleep without having one of us lie with him for too long. In this somewhat unfamiliar place, however, he not only needed me to lie with him until he fell asleep, it took him much longer to fall asleep. Saturday night, I spent two hours in the bed with him before I successfully snuck out without waking him up.

Thankfully, Doc bought some things to serve as reinforcements during the daylight hours. Canon's two favorite things: a pool and a water table.

Even Tera sat outside with us for awhile to watch the festivities.

While I was breathless trying to entertain Canon (I eventually figured out that he played better when I completely ignored him and let him come to me instead of me trying to force Fun Time on him), MyGoo, Doc, Ann Steiner and Jason were soaking up their Tera Time. Jason had never met Tera before this weekend, and Ann Steiner had only seen her twice but never held her.




I miss my relaxing week days, just the two of us . . .

. . . but it was really great to get some extra time with Canon. Barry has been so good about taking care of him on the weekends - and Canon just soaks his Daddy up - so when both Canon and Tera are together, I'm usually more focused on T. Though thoroughly exhausting, it was a fulfilling weekend. I asked Barry how he felt about being away from his wife on his Anniversary and his kids on Father's Day. Since he accidentally wished me a Happy Anniversary ten days ago (on June 8), I got the impression that, though he missed us terribly, he was having a good time right where he was.

On Saturday, some friends of my parents and sister threw the Second Annual White Trash Bash. After last year's event, everyone learned that if you don't go all out on your costume, you'll be even more ridiculed than if you show up looking absolutely ridiculous. So as not to be unprepared, MyGoo spent much of the afternoon preparing her costume, even picking up a few pieces for Doc to make his attire extra trashy. Here is Canon helping MyGoo pick out some jewelry. It's all about accessories!

And the final product:

MyGoo is dressed as "Miss Faded Glory." For those of you who are too sophisticated to buy clothes from WalMart, Faded Glory is WalMart brand clothing. Everything she's wearing (except the boots) are authentic Faded Glory pieces. Doc just went for All-Around Trashy. His shirt says "Never Fear, Grandpa is Here" and though it's hard to tell in the picture, he's wearing flip-top sunglasses. Though not on purpose, the kids look pretty trashy, too. Too bad they didn't get to attend the party. MyGoo and Doc offered to let me go for awhile, and though I had packed last year's Mule Day t-shirt, I was way to tired to have any kind of adult fun. Instead, I hung with my kids.

Doc cooked everyone hamburgers for lunch on Sunday, Father's Day. Leave it to my dad to do things for everyone else on Father's Day! Not surprisingly, Canon fell asleep in the high chair and didn't wake up until it was time to pack the car to go home.

I texted Barry to tell him that I would be buying lots of pretty things for myself after the "fun" weekend I'd had with both children. I don't know why, but I was really expecting him to write back, "Whatever you want!" or "You're the best!" or even "Just don't spend too much." Instead, I got a "It really makes you appreciate the father, doesn't it?" Since it was Father's Day, I let him have that one. We met him in Montgomery later in the day then started our last leg of the trip home. I'm so glad I don't have to work tomorrow!

Getting Out

Life at home has been pretty eventless these last four weeks, which is the main reason that I haven't written much since Tera arrived at home. I haven't been able to come up with a creative way to write about eating, sleeping, pooping, and spitting up. And watching TV, which I have been doing a lot of these days. I still haven't taken Tera inside any public places, but I have afforded myself a couple of outings in the last week.

In addition to visiting friends and actually going in their houses(!), Tera also attended her first Bunco last week. This was definitely more for me than for her. We left the boys at the house and had a couple of hours of much needed Girl Time. I know we get that all day, but I needed some girls that would talk back!

We also had two lunch dates last week, both at TGI Friday's because they have outdoor seating. The first was with Alicia and Kinley, and Kari Beth and John Turner. Tera is older than both Kinley and John Turner but, not surprisingly, very noticeably smaller. The second lunch was with MyGoo and Doc. They came down last Saturday to visit and to keep the kids so that Barry and I could go to our friend, David's, wedding. I thought it would be harder to leave her for such a long period of time (we were gone for about 3 1/2 hours) but I was surprisingly comfortable. MyGoo fed her a couple of bottles throughout the day, another activity I thought I would worry about that turned out to be just fine. While Tera still has minor choking spells, they don't seem to be more than what any other baby deals with. I've been feeding her while cradling her in my arms instead of lying her on her side like I did in the hospital. She's been eating great like this, so neither MyGoo nor I was too nervous about letting someone new feed her. I think it will be awhile before we have any non-family baby-sitters though. She's only two weeks old (technically)!

We went to the doctor yesterday for the second time since Tera's been home. The Occupational Therapist at UAB referred Tera for an Early Intervention Program in Dothan to work out some of her muscle and joint stiffness. This is not unusual. Lots of NICU babies are a little cramped from being cooped up in an Isolette for so long. Since we've been home, I have been worried that her stiffness has gotten a little bit worse. It's harder to stretch her out to do her exercises. When the Early Intervention Specialist called yesterday about her referral, she informed me that their policy is not to evaluate babies until they are at least three months old, adjusted. That means three months from Tera's due date. After a call in to Michele, my OT sister-in-law, she explained that stiffness is not one of those things that I should ignore for the next three months. If I was really worried about her, I should just go straight to the pediatrician and then to a private OT if needed. So, that's just what I did.

After evaluating her, the pediatrician said that he thought she was moving very good. In fact, he said that whatever stiffness she might have had at UAB seems to be gone now. He explained that Tera is at an age now where she will fight back when you pull on her arms and legs. When I tried to extend her appendages to stretch them, she pulls against me. (Side story: after Tera's "rolling over" event last week, I talked with Beth, one of my Preemie Mom friends, about it. We joked that the NICU must put steroids in the baby's milk while they're in the hospital. How else do they come home so strong?!). The pediatrician's suggestion was to let her relax before pulling and tugging on her. She might be more receptive then. So, from now on, Tera will get a daily massage from me, followed by some mild stretching exercises just to keep everything loose. I'll still have the Early Intervention Specialists evaluate her in three months, just to be sure.

The upside of going to the doctor for seemingly no reason is that Tera was weighed again. I know that I see her everyday, so it is hard for me to see changes, but I was a little worried that she wasn't growing very much. She's been eating great - about 3 1/2 ounces in each bottle nowadays - but she looks just the same to me. According to her growth rate in the hospital, she should have gained about two pounds since we've been home. She was 6 pounds 10 ounces then, so I was hoping for anything between 8 and 8 1/2 pounds. 8 pounds 10.5 ounces! It makes for One Proud Mama!

Already Catching Up!

It started out as a lazy day. After the boys left to start their day, neither Tera nor I was too interested in doing anything exciting. We spent the first half of the morning watching Lifetime and doing little more than this:

Tera eventually woke up, so I decided to let her have some Tummy Time. I have to be really strategic with Tummy Time. If it's too soon after she eats, then she ends up with a face covered in spit up. Because she's usually asleep until just before she eats, we don't get that many opportunities so I decided to take advantage of her early rising this morning.

She was very active, kicking and grabbing at her blanket. I looked away for a short moment, and when I looked back, she was laying on her back. I didn't think too much of it. She is on a bed, and I thought maybe I had put a little extra weight on one side of her, causing her to roll over using none of her own effort. So, I put her back on her tummy. In less than a minute, Tera had her arm under her head, and she was kicking her feet trying to get back over to face the ceiling. I grabbed my phone and got a video, but the website is not letting me upload it at this time. Basically, it looks like Tera riding an invisible bicycle. Hilarious!

Once she got over the second time, I tried it again (just to be sure), and she did it a third time! Can you believe it? This is a 2- to 3-month old skill that she's technically done at less than two weeks old. I don't want to be too over zealous, so I'm going to assume that this was just a fluke, just a really good day when Tera had a lot of motivation to get off her belly. But it's still pretty exciting!

And now, she's completely worn out.

Professional Big Brother

Do you have a new baby at your house?

Do you want your parents to trust you to take care of that baby?

Do you want that baby to be as cool as you when he or she grows up?

Then you need me - Barry Canon Moss - to teach YOU how to be a great Big Brother.
With three months of experience as a Big Brother, I know all the best tricks to help make YOU as good as ME!

I can teach you how to sit calmly beside your baby brother or sister in the car. How to resist the urge to reach over and squeeze chubby cheeks or pinch chubby toes.

You may not realize this, but there are a few necessities that all babies need. Blankets and pacifiers are the most important. I will show you how to make sure that your baby sibling has all of these things at all times, even when your Mom or Dad doesn't seem to notice that they're missing. And, I'll teach you how to sneak in a pat on your baby's leg when you take these things to her without Mom or Dad seeing. They can be pretty wierd about other people touching your baby.

If you live in a neighborhood like mine, it's important to go on regular Block Patrols to find people for your Mom to hang out with.

Your new baby sibling will keep your Mom pretty busy, so it's your job to get her out of the house and around other adults. Believe me, it'll be worth it for you in the end. Your Mom will start acting pretty crazy if you don't make her get some fresh air at least once each day.

With all of your new responsibilities as a Big Brother, you also have to remember to act your age from time to time, even though inside you feel much older. My suggestion is to refuse to take off your pajama top when you want to play outside.

This way, your Mom will know that, even though you have a new baby brother or sister, you're still the same quirky little boy you've always been . . . even though you know you're not. It's all just a show for her.

Finally, even though your new brother or sister needs a lot of attention from you, don't forget to take care of yourself. Don't cancel play dates just because you think your parents can't handle the baby on their own. After all, they were around when you were raising yourself, so hopefully you have taught them something by now.

Use this time to share with your friends what they can expect when they're new baby sibling will arrive. Preparation is the key!

I hope this short guide has provided you some basic instructions on being a Professional Big Brother like me. You can find additional information in my other books, What's that Smell? and Don't Touch That!: Canon's Guide to Surviving the NICU.

Granny Panties

I'm starting to put some Newborn-sized clothes on Tera even though they are still a little big . . .

Ironically, this particular outfit is made by Victoria's Kids. Victoria . . . as in, Victoria's Secret. I don't think they'll be knocking down our door for Tera to model these Granny Panties!

The Tiniest Three Month Old Baby

After only six days at home, Tera is three months old! It's very strange to think of her as a three-month-old baby. I know we've been together that long, but I still think of her as a newborn. Who knows? I might always think of her as that and never let her grow up.

As most of you know, I'm not much for scheduling professional photographers, especially when the doctors tell me I'm not allowed to take her anywhere but to the doctors' offices for awhile. So, just as with Canon at this age, I've taken some pictures on my own.

This is the dress that MyGoo made for Tera to wear home.




I really like this one with her little foot poking out at the bottom.

And these were just for fun. We have a lot of time on our hands these days, so I'm all about setting up a fake studio.


At three months old, Tera is a wonderful baby. I'm not sure what I expected, but she's absolutely perfect. She rarely cries. I mostly hear her cry when she's taking a nap in her bassinet and realizes that no one is holding her. While Canon was very independent, I can already tell Tera is going to be a Lap Baby. That serves me right for all the hours I spent holding her in the hospital while she napped. It seems that she has a hard time napping any other way.

She's a great sleeper at night, though. Once I've gotten her tightly swaddled, she'll usually sleep for at least four hours, sometimes even five or six! She still makes lots of noises, grunts and groans especially just after she's eaten. She's eating about 2 1/2 to 3 ounces in each bottle. I've started supplementing with formula in her night time bottles. I think this helps her sleep a little longer, and it gets her used to taking a little bit of formula.

I can't be sure, but my best guess is that she weighs about 7 pounds now. I tried weighing her on our scale. The first attempt gave me something close to 9 pounds, and the second was 7 exactly. I'm not even considering that this child weighs 9 pounds, so I'm going with the 7-pounder. This has been one of the strange transitions from the hospital to home. There, I knew exactly to the gram how much Tera weighed each day. Now, I'm using an unreliable scale and the fact that she gained about 1/2 pound each week in the hospital to estimate her weight. I just know that she's eating and sleeping and seems to be happy. She's also growing out of some of her preemie clothes. While this could be due to my poor drying skills, I think this is also a good sign that she is growing.

We have had a few choking scares over the last six days, but nothing compared to what I was originally worried about. It pretty much just feels like having a newborn at home. The only difference is that I am completely healed and, with the exception of needing to catch up on an hour or two of sleep during the day (which I rarely do), I'm ready to get up and go while Tera still needs some time to recuperate. She'll catch up with me in a few weeks, though, and we'll take over the town together!

An Update From Home

I know I have left you high and dry for the last few days. After we got the news last Friday that our Discharge Day was quickly approaching, I quit writing because I didn't want to risk jinxing anything. One thing I've learned from Tera (and all babies really) is that when you say something out loud, babies make it their duty to do the exact opposite. I'll update our last few days in the hospital soon, but until then, I wanted you to know that we are safe and sound and all under the same roof.

It is much less scary being at home than I thought it would be. By the time we left the hospital on Tuesday, I felt so ready to go. I was worried about Tera's choking episodes, but I didn't feel like it was anything that could be fixed by staying at the hospital. It was just time to go home.

And home has not disappointed. Since we've been here, Tera has been doing a lot of the same things that Canon liked to do when he was a baby. She sits in her rocker . . .

She loves her swing, which I love as well. I've been able to get at least a few things done while she swings.

Yesterday, I gave her a bath for the first time. I watched her get a bath once in the hospital, and she did great. The same behavior transferred to home. I know she had to be at least a little bit cold, but she just laid there and let me scrub and pour luke warm water all over her.


After her bath we took our first outing to her first doctor's visit.

I wasn't expecting to have one so soon, but I was glad to have someone check her out to make sure she was still doing great. She is! She now weighs 6 pounds 10 ounces, up one ounce from when we left the hospital on Tuesday. The pediatrician says that everything seems fine, and we won't need to come back until her four-month immunizations in mid-July. He did say that I could bring her back if I wanted to make sure she is still gaining weight.

Tera has been spitting up nearly every feed since Wednesday afternoon. It usually happens about two hours after she eats, and it's never very much. Of course, with all of her choking scares in the hospital, I worry that she could choke on this as well. I try to be good about burping her and holding her for awhile after she eats to make sure everything gets down to where it needs to be. By the time she spits up, I've usually already laid her down in her rocker or her bassinet, usually turned slightly to the side, just in case. So far, the spit up hasn't caused any choking problems, and the pediatrician says that it's not a concern for him either. We'll start to worry when she's spitting up half of her milk or when it turns green!

I also asked the pediatrician about supplementing Tera's milk with formula. She'll need to take Similac NeoSure for the first months, until her weight gain is really substantial. Then, we can move on to something different if we need to.

What else do you want to know about Tera at home? She is still eating about 70cc at each bottle. Her nights have been hit or miss since we got home. The first night, I kept with the hospital schedule and woke myself up every three hours to feed her. She seemed to do well with this . . . until the next night. I set my alarms again, and she did great until after her midnight feeding. Sometime in the 2:00 a.m. hour, Tera woke up grunting and crying out. I think I got her to burp before she went back down. She then ate about 3:30. She was up again around 4:00. Sometime around 4:30 I gave her a little more milk, which put her back to sleep. She was up to eat again at 6:00. After feeding her this time, I was completely wiped out. I know you haven't read about it yet, but I have been up A LOT since the night before Tera came home. I've been going on about four or five hours of sleep each day for the last three days, and by 6:30 Thursday morning, I was pooped! We both slept until 8:00 when I got up to get us ready for her doctor's appointment. He told me there that I should probably start feeding her more On Demand than by a schedule. Her pediatrician at UAB had also mentioned feeding her more during her night feeds so that she would sleep longer. I tried this last night and . . . there's a reason these people have medical degrees! Tera slept four hours between each meal, and so did her mother.

What About the Rest of the Family?
Poor Canon is adjusting to so much right now. First, he's getting used to having himself and the rest of us back under the same roof. Then there's the new baby, of course, and having to share his mother's attention with her. He is so loving towards her. He likes to bring her a blanket or try to give her a pacifier (I don't let him do that just yet, but he tries!). When he's home in the afternoons after school, I bring Tera in the den with us while Canon plays with his trains. He'll walk over and check on her every once in awhile, just to see how she is.


As sweet as he is, though, he's also a tyrant. Every little thing can turn into a big dramatic ordeal in no time. Eating dinner, taking a bath, going to bed, putting his toys away, running errands with Barry. All of these can turn my sweet and affectionate son into the Terrible Two that I hope he is not truly turning out to be. Instead, I hope it's just his way of adjusting to life and that this phase, too, shall pass. Barry and I have both been very adamant about not giving in to his outbursts. No matter how loud he screams or how hard he kicks, he eventually does what we set out for him to do.

Barry has been absolutely amazing! He takes Canon to school in the morning and does pretty much whatever I need him to do at night. He took Canon to the grocery store yesterday and has been putting him to bed at night. He cleans up the kitchen, washes clothes (but never folds them!), and takes care of the yard. I would go on and on, but he'll read this one day and wish that I hadn't even said this much.

I have been keeping busy getting my house back in order. It's amazing how much stuff I've accumulated over the last three months, not to mention the abundance of gifts that people have brought to our house here. The Wiregrass Children's Home - an organization Barry has been involved with for a few years now - is having a yard sale to raise money for their house in October, so I'm getting together a large pile of things to donate. Besides just the normal Mommy stuff, like holding and feeding Tera and entertaining Canon at night, that's really all there is. I love being at home!

Departure

Day of Life: 84

I was right about not getting much sleep. Tera is quite the little Noise Maker. She grunts and groans and, on occasion, lets out a seemingly painful cry, I'm assuming from something I ate long, long ago that she is just now getting in her bottles. After feeding her at midnight, I got about an hour's sleep before she started in with her sweet noises. I checked on her a couple of times, just to make sure the noises weren't meaningful, then got maybe another half hour of sleep before it was time to feed her at 3:00. The nurse had offered to do this one for me, but I had to get up to pump anyway, so . . . I got another couple of hours before her 6:00 feed, and then I was up for good. Tera seemed to be as well.

At her weigh in last night, Tera weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces (2980 grams) and is 19 1/2 inches long. It makes me wonder if she would have been this size had she been born full term. Did she gain extra weight because of how much she can eat? Or did she lose extra weight because of all the calories she's been burning on the Outside? Even though Canon weighed exactly one pound more than this and was 1 1/2 inches longer than this when he was born, I can't imagine something as big as this little girl still in my tummy. She's a perfect Going Home size. That is, at least, as long as we can get through the morning with this unpredictable phenom.

Tera's 6:00 feed began the culmination of what I had been fearing the last 24 hours. At the end of her bottle, I laid her down in her crib so that I could start getting ready for our day. Within a minute or two of laying down, Tera choked. Not again! Her oxygen saturation dropped pretty low, but she was able to bring it back on her own with a little bit of coaxing from my hand banging against her back. Her nurse had come back into the room by this point, and I'm pretty sure I heard her mumble "This isn't good" before walking out again. I just knew she was on her way to tell the docs "This one is just not ready." This is why I haven't told many people that we are coming home today.

Feeling defeated, I took a shower then laid down on the couch to wait for the doctors to come give me the news that we wouldn't be going home today. A Nurse Practioner was covering for Tera's pediatrician today, and she came in all cheery and smiling, probably to soften me up for what she was surely going to say. She did the usual morning examination, then asked if I had any questions about anything. When she didn't mention anything about Tera's choking spell earlier, I decided to be the honest parent and speak up. Her only response was to question whether or not Tera needed extra oxygen to bring herself out of it. When I told her that Tera didn't, she said that was great. She'd be back in a bit with the Neonatologist.

Barry came by about 9:00, just in time to watch Tera have yet another choking spell. This time, things went just the slightest bit worse. At one point, the nurse encouraged me to step aside so that she could try to get Tera to cough it up. She basically held her upside down under her belly, then continued to pat her back roughly. After dipping two or three times into the 50s, Tera finally brought herself back out of the spell. That had to be it. Surely they wouldn't let us go home now? The nurse simply said "Don't scare your Mama like that, Tera" then left to get our discharge papers ready. I half expected Barry to jump in and say "Uh, you're not sending us home with this, are you?" but he didn't seem too bothered. I told him it must be that instead of a baby with heart problems or breathing problems, we're taking home a baby with choking problems. A few more days at the hospital probably isn't going to get rid of that, and we are both so ready to go home.

While Barry took the last of our things down to the car, the nurse came in to give us the Discharge Talk. It included all the things that every parent should know - don't shake the baby, check the baby's temperature, etc. She also gave us Tera's Discharge Summary. This will go to Tera's pediatrician, and we will keep one with us at all times. It will give any physician that sees Tera her medical history at UAB. I read through this later in the day, and it is very interesting. It tells every tiny little thing that has happened to Tera in her first 84 days of life.

I especially liked reading what happened to Tera while she was at Flowers the night she was born. I have been completely oblivious about her adventures that night. Apparently, Tera required PPV (which I think stands for Positive Pressure Ventilation - someone had to pump oxygen into her lungs) for about one minute after being born. She was then able to breathe on her own with the aid of blow by oxygen. Her oxygen saturation was in the 90s for a little while, but when she began to desat into the 60s and 70s, they decided to intubate and put her on a ventilator. Flowers also placed her UAC and UVC lines. These were used to draw blood and inject meds into her those first few days at UAB. They bragged there that Flowers did an amazing job taking care of Tera. UAB just had to keep doing what Flowers had already started.

What will continue to effect Tera for the next two or three years is her BPD. I may have mentioned this several weeks ago, but I've learned more about it since then. BPD stands for Bronchopulmonary Dysplasia. Basically, Tera has premature lungs that are scarred from her being on a ventilator and then in the Oxygenated Environment for several weeks. The doctors say that her premature lungs are covered in scar tissue which just makes all things related to oxygen a little more difficult for her. She has already begun developing her regular lungs and, as time goes by, her premature lungs will diminish and her regular lungs will take over. This process could take up to two or three years (maybe longer?) to complete. Until then, we have to be careful of exposing her to too many germs and diseases. A cold for Tera could be far more severe than a cold for a full-term baby without BPD. Because of her low birth weight, Tera will qualify for the RSV vaccination, which she will get this Fall. Tera received a dose of Surfactant at Flowers and another dose at UAB to help make her lungs as strong as possible in those early days. After being on the ventilator for only seven days, I'd say their efforts proved fruitful. Some babies stay on the vent for weeks or months.

When all had been reviewed and everything was finally in the car, it was time for us to leave. MyGoo had made Tera a beautiful gown to wear home, so I quickly changed her into it so as not to hold up our departure any longer.





Thankfully, this dress will fit for weeks to come, so we'll get more than just this one use out of it.

While Barry moved the car around, I accompanied Tera and her nurse downstairs. We passed several nurses who wished us well. Though I haven't met all of them, many have been into Tera's room to "save" her at various times. She has become somewhat of a celebrity after 12 weeks here.

When we got close to the doors leading outside, we could feel the cool wind coming down the hall. Who would ever expect it to be in the 60s in mid-May? Come to think of it, I think it was an unusually warm day in February when Tera was born. This chick has some effect on the weather! The nurse bundled Tera up tightly while we waited to go outside.

When I finally put Tera in her car seat, she seemed more uncomfortable than I remember her being during her Car Seat Test last Friday. I asked the nurse for reassurance, and she seemed to think all was fine. I gave the nurse a quick hug, and then we were finally off about 11:00.

I have to say that leaving the hospital was a little anticlimatic. I didn't have the jitters I expected. I didn't feel like crying, though this is something I would normally do. None of Tera's usual nurses were here today, so I wasn't able to see them to say good-bye for the last time. I didn't need to take one last look at Tera's room before walking out. Even after everything Tera had put me through earlier this morning, I was just ready to go. I've been watching Tera to see what she is made of, and now I want to see what I'm made of. I don't know if that is strange or arrogant or possibly normal. But it's the truth.

We stopped once in Prattville so that I could take Tera out of her car seat to feed her. No choking! Barry went in to get us lunch, then we were on the road again. We arrived in Dothan about 3:00. I waited until we were safely in the house before sending a message to my friends that we were finally home. Most did not even know we were expecting to come home today.

The original plan was for Canon to stay with MyGoo and Doc this first night we were at home. After talking with MyGoo about how Canon was, it seemed pretty obvious to both of us that he was ready to come home. It's hard to explain. He wasn't behaving badly. MyGoo could just tell that Canon wasn't acting like himself, and we both agreed he needed his Mom and Daddy. Barry and Ed drove to Troy to meet MyGoo, Doc, and Canon to bring both Canon and Barry's car back home.

I could tell we had made the right decision as soon as Canon walked in the door. He was so excited to be home. He ran around the entire house, squealing with excitement and jumping on everything in sight. When he realized Tera was here, he immediately wanted to bring her a "B." This is what Canon calls his blanket. We went to Tera's room and found the pink blanket that is just like Canon's blue one. He took the blanket to her bassinet in our room where Tera was asleep and tried to put it in the bed with her. Of course, Barry and I freaked out about his germs that were now all over the blanket and opted instead to drape the blanket over the end of the bassinet. When Canon seemed pleased, he moved on to another form of entertainment.

It was already after 9:00 when Canon got home, so we put him in bed pretty soon after. I finally got to see Barry's magic at work - getting Canon to sleep in his Big Brother Bed with minimal crying. I realized that there is absolutely no way that either of us could have done this alone. I don't know how anyone could.

After I've had time for all of this to really sink in, I'm sure I'll have more insightful things to say to conclude this little adventure. But right now, just as it did at the very beginning, everything just seems to be the way it should be. At home, there is no drama, no fluff, and no exagerrations. It's just the four of us finally under the same roof. Three months ago, I was terrified to have this baby under my sole care, and today I couldn't imagine it any other way. The beeps and dings of the monitors that provided me so much comfort at the hospital are not missed at all. In fact, I actually like not knowing every little detail of what is going on with Tera's heart and lungs. Without the numbers to look at, I feel more like her mother and less like her caretaker. It's what I've been waiting for.

Final Preparations

Day of Life: 83

Today was much like yesterday. More resting for Tera. More packing for me. Tera gained only a few grams last night, still at 6 pounds 7 ounces (2940 grams). I can't believe I'll be taking home such a big baby. I was so worried three months ago that she would be less than 5 pounds when we came home. I didn't know how I would hold her or, honestly, if I would even want to hold her. It's hard to cradle a baby that small. But here I am with a 6 1/2 pound baby - a real Chunker on this floor!

I am determined to keep her warm today. That means two blankets, two hats, two of everything if needed. Low body temperature is not keeping this baby in the hospital an extra day. I just hope it doesn't backfire, and she ends up with a fever.

I spent the morning packing up Tera's room. There was so much stuff, from clothes and blankets to snacks and memorabilia from our stay here. We've lived in four different rooms since we've been at UAB, so I've gotten pretty good at packing it up efficiently. I've also kept a lot of the boxes and bags that we've gotten over the weeks, which made things much easier.

I also held Tera and tried to record as many funny faces as possible. She's got lots of them!

Tera's pediatrician came by for one last visit. She will not be at the hospital tomorrow, and she wanted to make sure we still felt comfortable leaving tomorrow. Yes! She had given me her cell phone number weeks ago, and she reminded me to call her with anything I needed. I know she means it. She has every confidence that I really can handle all of this at home, and she knows that Tera is in great condition to leave. She suggested that I spend tonight at the hospital so that I can once again give Tera her night time feedings. This way, I will know if things aren't quite right when we get home because I would have fed her during all times of the day. I was fine with that, though not looking forward to sleeping on the plastic couch again. After a big hug from the pediatrician, she was gone for the day.

Just before lunch, our minister, Hays, and his son, Trey, came by to visit. They drove all the way from Dothan just to see us - or so they said! I warned them that we might be home soon and that they didn't have to waste the gas, but they insisted. Hays has been checking in with me regularly since we got here, and he wanted to see in person how great she was doing. He and Trey both agreed that she looked great. I think it's hard for everyone to believe how "normal" she looks. I hate to use that word - normal - but the night Tera was born, I was half expecting an alien to be pulled from my womb. But she wasn't, and everyday she has looked more and more like the baby I had been hoping she would look like.

I've been trying not to tell too many people that we're planning to come home tomorrow. I don't want to have to go back and report a False Alarm again. I did end up telling Hays and Trey today what our plans were, however, and I told Hays that if Tera really does come home tomorrow, I'll tell everyone that he healed her. He liked that idea.

After more packing, Lydia came by for one last visit with Tera. I know she is ready to have her normal life back at her house, but I know she will also miss us terribly. Thankfully, Lydia will go back to work on Wednesday for the first time since her knee surgery. I'm sure this will be a good distraction, at least until she can come down to see us when we give the go ahead for weekend visitors!

Lydia and I went back to her house so that I could finish packing the last of my things there. The "last of my things" ended up being about a dozen bags and boxes full of more and more junk. Barry's going to love this when he gets here tonight! About 8:30, Lydia took me back to the hospital for the last time. Barry came by about 10:00 when he got into town, just to say hey before going back to Lydia's to get a good night's rest. Don't I need that?! I ended up staying awake until Tera's midnight feeding. I have a feeling that I won't be getting much sleep tonight! Or tomorrow night. Or several month's worth of nights after that.

I've prayed diligently all day that this really is it. I feel ready to go this time. My only anxiety is over whether or not something will happen to her in the next 12 hours that will keep us here longer. I'm grateful beyond words for everything that has been done for her, but I'm ready to put my old and new knowledge about taking care of babies into practice. I can do this!