The Balancing Act and Some Really Bad News

Just after lunch today, Barry called to tell me that he was leaving work to pick up Canon so that they could make their way to Birmingham. "I have some really bad news" made me uneasy, but I didn't think it could be that big of a deal. Well, it's really not that big, but it sure seems like it is now. He's not sure how he got it, but he woke up this morning with a crusty eye. Upon inspection, our friend, Kyle, determined that it was pink eye. He prescribed an ointment that Barry put on around noon. He will be contagious for 24 hours, which means that once he's in Birmingham, he can't be around me or Canon until tomorrow afternoon. I was so distraught. I have been waiting all week to see him. Though we were together last weekend when I first arrived in Birmingham, they were not under the most ideal circumstances, and we really got no time to hang out together. Now that I, along with Nonna and Lydia, will have Canon with us all night, I not only am going to miss Barry, but I have to make a decision about what to do about Tera.

Normally, I would leave her around dinner time to eat, then come back in time to meet the doctors during their rounds and hear their plans for the night. Nonna and I needed to leave the hospital at 4:00 in order to get Canon (who, by the way, could have already contracted pink eye himself). I decided that we would spend the rest of the afternoon with Canon and, if I needed to, I would get someone to drive me back to the hospital to be with Tera for a little while before bed. I knew I wouldn't be back to the hospital that night. Though I got a twinge of nervousness about it, I need to spend this time with Canon and to get some much needed rest. Tera's doing great, and I can call in regularly to check up on her. The Balancing Act.

Canon slept the whole way to Birmingham, so he was well rested when we got to him.

Of course, as his mother, the first thing I noticed was his attire.

Barry quickly explained that he had lost one of Canon's tennis shoes, so he had to wear his dressier shoes today. Ok, I guess, but what's the excuse for the rest of the outfit?

It was so great to see Canon. He gave me a big hug, though didn't seem that interested in spending too much time with me. He took off running down the street hoping I would chase him. Of course, I couldn't, and Barry had to run down to bring him back.

I tried to keep him corraled as best I could while Nonna unloaded the car. Barry just tried to touch as little as possible.

Though amazing to spend time with him, it was also very hard. He was fussy and doing some things that I had to get onto him about. He cried a lot, and it really broke my heart, even though he deserved the scoldings he got. I guess after watching Tera struggle with her bouts at the hospital, it was also difficult to watch Canon not be perfectly happy. I was proud of myself for staying strong and not giving in to my strong desire to just let him do whatever he wanted, anything to keep me from feeling so fragile.

We did have some wonderful moments together. We played with his train set together, and he climbed around on the sofa with me while watching Toy Story 2, occasionally laying his head on my chest. During the movie, Canon and I decided to send a picture to Daddy so that he could see how much we missed him.

At bedtime, Nonna changed him into his pajamas and read to him. But she soon called me up to help get him to sleep. I was happy that he wanted his Mommy. This part of the night was even more difficult than before. He cried when Nonna put him into the Pack N Play. I knelt on the floor and just held him to try to calm him down. Singing eventually got the job done, but it started back again when I finally announced that it was time to go Night Night. He began to cry again, even throwing his leg over the side of the bed to try to climb out. I scolded him harshly, hoping that might keep him in after I had left. I stayed with him much longer than I usually do before finally dragging myself away. The uncontrollable sobs came then. "Mama, Mama, Mama" over and over and over again. All I could think about was how abandoned he must feel. I've been gone for almost a week. I haven't put him to bed since last Tuesday night. We are both emotional wrecks. Fortunately, Canon was so tired that he fell asleep within a few minutes, though it seemed like much longer.

I've been naive to think that Tera's daily improvements are the only things our family is living with right now. Though they are something to celebrate every moment, they are only a part of our lives right now. I've known it all along, but it became a reality today that she and I are only half of a much bigger unit that includes our two guys. While her health and growth are the top priority, the rest of the unit cannot go neglected for three months. Like Barry said on the night she was born, "We are going to be a different family now." Bring it on!

And Ten Days Later . . . A Mother Has Her Firsts

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

This verse is from a devotional of Lydia's called "Come Away, My Beloved." Nonna read it last night and thought it really applied to us right now. I agree.

Day of Life: 10

What Happened Last Night
My 3:00 a.m. call made me a little uneasy. When Tera arrived at UAB, they inserted two lines into her belly button, a UAC and a UVC. The UAC allows them to draw blood for labs, and the UVC allows them to give her meds. The PICC Line was put in two days ago so that these lines could be pulled. There is a high risk of infection if these stay in too long. I thought that the UVC had been pulled the previous night, and they had made plans to pull the UAC last night. When I called Beaonica at 3:00 to check in, she said that the UAC had been pulled but the UVC was still there. I hung up feeling very uneasy, so I called right back and asked to speak to a doctor. They were on another floor admitting a new patient so they would get back in touch later. I won't be going back to sleep anytime soon!

While I was getting ready for the day, I got a text from Kristen, one of my dear "teacher friends." Two of my students were helping her in her room before the other students arrived. I called immediately and got to talk to them. This week, the whole world is celebrating Dr. Seuss' birthday, and our school is having a parade this afternoon. All of the students who dress up like a book character get to participate in the parade. Kristen explained that one of the kids was in full cowboy attire! Can't wait to see those pictures.

When we arrived at the hospital, we found Tera relaxed as usual. Some dear friends of mine who had a very similar experience about a year ago emailed to tell me to take a picture of Tera everyday so that I could record the memories of her being so tiny. I like to take that picture as soon as I get there. It gives me a hint of the night she had and the day ahead.

I think we're in for a good day.

While we waited on the docs to make their rounds, the Respiratory Therapist took the frequency of her CPAP from 10 to 0. This means, that though there is oxygen blowing in through her nose, she is taking all of the breaths by herself with no assistance from the CPAP. The little humps along the top show the breaths she is taking. If the machine were breathing for her, there would be taller green humps where the machine did the work.

The bottom screen shows her Oxygen percentages, pressures, frequencies, and a lot of other numbers that I don't understand. The blank spot in the top left part is usually where the frequency is listed. It's blank!

When the docs came around, they were very impressed with how well she was breathing so we'll continue with these settings. She has only desatuarated (desatted) twice in the last 24 hours, which is a good sign for her apnea. She is on constant medication to prevent that, and it is obviously working. They also addressed the UVC line, which will come out today after their rounds are through. She has one more dose of Ibuprofen tonight to help close up that PDA. The nurse heard the regular murmur during her exam this morning, which tells us it is still there. Dr. Toms says that even if this round of Ibuprofen does not close it completely, he will not do another round of Ibuprofen because everything else is going so well. The PDA is obviously not causing any problems with her other functions, so he thinks that waiting to let it close (if that's what it comes to) will be ok. She will also start her feeds again today at 11:00, 2cc. Her labs showed that everything is working well with her kidneys and digestion, so Dr. Toms feels good about feeding her again. They will stop fluids for about an hour while they give her the Ibuprofen tonight. They'll also do a bili check this morning to see if she needs to go back under the lights. If the color of her skin is any indication, I think we're good there, too. I hate those lights. They make her look blue!

I realized today that I have not been writing about her weight changes. When Tera was born she weighed 1070 grams. Apparently when you weigh this little, you get put on the metric system. Since that time, her weight has dropped as low as 920 grams (about 2 pounds even). That was three days ago. Since then, it has either gone up or remained steady. She is currently weighing in at 970 grams, up 10 grams from yesterday. My dear friend, Neha, sent me this amazing Early Arrival Journal for me to keep up with all of the many details of this experience. It has a conversion chart for me to convert grams to pounds and ounces. So today, at 970 grams, Tera weighs about 2 pounds 2 ounces. They told us that she could lose as much as 30% of her body weight, which by my calculations would put her down to about 750 grams, only 1 pound 10 ounces. I'm really hoping the Rock Star can stay chubby.

Barry and Canon are coming today!!

What Actually Happened Today

Because the UAC was pulled last night, the nurses now have to prick her heel everytime they need to draw blood. I hate the thought of this, but Tera does not seem to mind. This is her getting her foot heated before the prick.

A doctor returned almost immediately to remove the UVC from her belly button. This was the first procedure that I half-way watched. They take a needle and pull something away from the line, then just pull it out.

Very unexpectedly, the nurse asked me after the procedure if I wanted to take Tera's temperature and change her diaper. It hasn't seemed strange that I haven't done these things before now, but she is ten days old. Maybe I should be doing these things.

MyGoo and Nonna tried really hard not to show off any unnecessary parts. We don't want her hating us in 16 years when she brings her first boyfriend home, and we pull these memories out!

Don't I look like a nurse in this picture?

And when it was all over, she back to sleep. The pig nose looks a little better now.

The rest of the afternoon was mostly rest and relaxation for Tera. Bob stopped by to check on us. I talked to him about the fact that she seemed to be acting so much like a regular baby. She responds to light, sound, touch, and sudden movements. She opens her eyes occasionally, likes to snuggle, and cries when she's uncomfortable. I know we can sit and analyze all the potential long-term developmental effects of her prematurity, but all signs point to normal baby. Though Bob said we will not be sure for quite a few weeks, he agreed that her chances for a complete recovery looked really good right now. He is always so encouraging, but I know that he would tell me the truth if something was wrong.

About 3:30, Tera's labs showed that her bili numbers were back up from 4.2 to 9. She had to go back under the lights.

She continued to breathe on her own with the CPAP only providing a minimal amount of oxygen. We had to leave at 4:00 to meet Barry as he came into town, but I found out during a call to Beaonica that the doctors took her off the CPAP completely during rounds. She is now in what is called OE, or Oxygenated Environment. She is completely breathing on her own, but the air in her isolette is oxygenated. At the time of the call, she was only receiving 29% oxygen. Room air is 21% oxygen, so hopefully she's not too far from breathing just like we do. There's always the chance that she could go back on the CPAP, but everything looks good now.

Why Does It Feel So Right To Be Here?

Day of Life: 9

What Happened Last Night
It was a fairly uneventful night. Shannon took some labs about 4:00 a.m. to determine her blood gases and to see how her bili numbers were doing. Though both labs came back showing that all was good, they were still waiting to get orders from the docs. I called in again around 8:30, and though they had not done rounds or given orders, some events had transpired. During the shift change, some of the docs must have come in to examine Tera. She was laying on her side wrapped around a bean bag thingy (sorry, haven't learned the medical term for that yet). They turned off the bili lights, left her glasses laying on the bed beside her, and Tera was laying sprawled out on her back when the nurse came back in. Apparently, this is typical doctor behavior, and it's a bit frustrating to the nurse but no harm done.

By the time we arrived, Susan had fixed everything, and this is what we found:

Finally a baby that looks like a baby. She is so beautiful! Her color is great. I can no longer count every rib in her body, and she is resting so peacefully. She still has her pig nose from the CPAP, but I think I can live with that for long. Is it true that if you hold your face in one position too long it will stick that way? Let's hope not because there is no hope for this child's nose if it is!

The Plan for Today

We learned during rounds that the head ultrasound was done early this morning. I got super confused during this particular run-down of Tera's status (I think I'm losing M.D. points quickly) but Susan soon found out that the scan was normal. Yes! She'll have another one at one month, but no need to worry until then. Our basic plan today is just to keep weaning her off the CPAP. Right now, her gases and numbers look great, so that should be an easy thing to do.

There's that foot again!

What Actually Happened Today

It took quite some time (at least it seemed that way to me) to get the orders to start the weaning process. Because her numbers were so good, they weren't matching up on the screen, which caused her monitor to beep quite frequently throughout the morning. As long as they're beeping for a good reason, I think I can live with it.

We had an unexpected but wonderful visitor this morning. The front desk called back to us that we had visitors but did not specify who. I walked a young girl and her mother walk back and thought, "I have absolutely no idea who these people are." I started running through everyone I knew from Barry's work to people I knew in college. Nothing clicked. When they walked in, they smiled so big and offered a hug. As soon as I hugged the girl, I knew exactly who she was. It was Alyssa, Tera's best friend at Simmons when I was her Aide. They had never been to school together before that year, and they became instant friends. Inseparable, really. Alyssa and her mother caught me up on everything that was going on with her. She will graduate from high school this year, which means, of course, that Tera would also be graduating. They still do special things throughout the year in her memory. Alyssa helped start a club at school called "Team Up for St. Jude" which has worked all year to raise $3000 for St. Jude research. Her friends also release balloons every year on Tera's birthday. They reminded me that Tera's birthday is February 20, just three days before Baby Tera was born. I got a few chills at that one. They were not able to release the balloons last week but are planning to do it soon. I'm already making plans to go. I was so happy to hear that her memory is living on, and I know that Alyssa is a huge part of that.

The best part of my day . . . week . . . month . . . year happened later today. Susan told me that she needed to change Tera's bed completely out. The easiest way to do that is if Tera is not laying in it. We made plans for me to hold her!!! Of course, I was ecstatic. Probably any day before today I would have been hesitant. She just looked too small, too wired-up, too sick. Put today, she looks like a real baby, and I can't wait to hold her.

After lunch, we made our plans, and by 3:00 everything was in the works. It took some time to get all of her cords wrapped up and in place, but she eventually made it to me. I held her in my hands at first so that Susan could get everything just perfect. She didn't fuss or even seem that bothered. She just looked around with her arms and legs hanging straight out. The way that mothers hold preemies here is a method called Kangaroo Care. They put the baby down the mother's shirt so that she can lay skin-to-skin with the mother's chest.

This next picture shows me watching the monitor. We were able to take her CPAP off and just blow oxygen toward her nose. That's the green bag laying over my shoulder. She did great, but occasionally her monitor would ding. I kept a close eye on it just in case.

At one point during the hold, she lifted her head completely off my chest and looked at me, crying. I was terrified that she would hurt herself. We got a nurse in the room, and she helped me turn her head to the other side. This required some moving of wires and oxygen masks, but Tera fell back asleep immediately after laying back down. Another memorable moment was when she got the hiccups. Her body jerked up a little bit, which startled me. After a few rythms of that, I realized what it was. I had forgotten that babies have hiccups in utero. Why not have them now?

My friend, Elyse, who is also up here with her baby but on "better" floor, takes amazing pictures. I asked if she would come down and photograph this precious memory. Of course, she was thrilled and I know got some amazing shots. These are only a few of my favorites.

Here I am waiting on Susan to get her ready.

And this is the first hand-off to get all of the wires and tubes situated.

I love Tera's hair, and I'm praying it doesn't fall out before she comes home.

And those big feet are always a hot topic of discussion.

When I was holding Tera, I noticed that her legs were spread eagle around my waist. They were like little frog legs hanging out on my stomach.

Nothing compares to singing to Canon on a video phone at night, and nothing compares to the fact that Barry will finally be here again tomorrow, and nothing compares to holding this baby for the first time. This is why things just feel right. There is nothing like my life right now.

After about an hour and a half, Susan had to take some more blood for labs, so I had to give Tera up. She was not happy to go from my warm chest to a relatively cold bed. She fussed a good bit, but was precious as usual. I was able to get one of her first close-ups. I still think she looks like my grandmother, Sister.

And then she was out again.

It seems so strange to feel this good about being in this place, but it really does. I know there are still harder days ahead and a lot of waiting around, but God has been so good to my family these last nine days. Despite all of the things that could have gone horribly wrong, things are going amazingly right. And we are thankful!

How Are Barry and Canon?

Barry had an Employee Awards Banquet tonight. He was honored for five years of service to the hospital. I think he was glad I wasn't there. Canon stayed with our friends Ben and Christie and their daughter Claire. After bath time, Claire and Canon laid back to watch Toy Story. This is what Christie calls the "Toy Story Trance."

It's good to know I'm not missing too many new things. I've seen this face before.

The Rock Star

Day of Life: 8 - A Week Ago Today . . .

What Happened Last Night
True to my word, I called Shannon a few times during the night, though after the first "she's fine" conversation, I felt good. At midnight, her blood gases looked good so they were set to take her off the ventilator. The doctors had to leave to go to a delivery, so Tera was put on the backburner for the time being. I called back at about 3:00, but Shannon was busy with her other baby. She told the nurse on the phone that all was fine and to call back again. I decided to wait until the morning to try again.

"She's a Rock Star!" were Shannon's exact words when I called back. They had taken her off the ventilator and put in a CPAP at about 1:15. From what I understand, the CPAP allows her to breathe more on her own without assisted breaths from a machine. This will help her lungs to get stronger. Staying on the ventilator too long can cause some severe long-term lung damage. So, at 1:15 she came off the vent. Shannon said that she expected Tera to have an "attitude" about it - she has built herself quite a reputation for being feisty! However, she took to the new tubes very well and only fussed once or twice before relaxing. This is what she looked like when I arrived.

I think she likes the CPAP!

The Plan for Today:
MyGoo and I arrived just in time to see the docs. We watched them walk into Tera's room and raced down the hall to meet them.

They, of course, are very impressed with how well she is doing. The Echo has been ordered and is scheduled for today. That got a few chuckles from those of us who were involved in the chaos yesterday. The PICC Line will also go in, and we were so excited to hear that Susan - one of our favorite nurses - will be putting it in. Dr. Toms is not worried about the PICC Line going in while she is off the ventilator. She is doing so well that her breathing should be ok during the procedure.

After they left, I couldn't wait to get my hands on her.


When Susan changed her diaper, I heard Tera cry for the first time. Here is a video. I hope you can hear her, too.


What Actually Happened Today
Tera's Rock Star status maintained throughout the day as she was picked, poked, and prodded more than usual. Tera doesn't even like for her diaper to be changed, so we were not anticipating the best for the scheduled Echo and PICC Line insertion. She surprised us all. The Echo came about noon. This procedure was more prodding than anything. They had to squirt cold jelly on her chest and rub a wand over it. The Echo showed that the PDA is still there, so doctors will decide what to do about it when they make rounds tonight.



Tera's feet have been a main topic of discussion this last week because of how long they are and how much she can stretch them out, particularly when she gets stressed. Usually, her big toe sticks straight up in the air, almost separated from the rest of her foot. This is the best shot I could get for now.


Susan inserted the PICC Line soon after. The PICC was inserted through veins in her arm. The line will run up her arm and close to her heart. An x-ray showed that the line was actually too close to her heart on the first try (this is common and not a big deal), so Susan repositioned and re-x-rayed and all was well. She gave Tera some sedation to keep her calm while she did the procedure and, besides flinching a time or two, Tera handled it all very well. I, again, didn't want to be there for this particular experience (I'm just not ready to see her struggle) so Mom and I went out to a good lunch in Homewood. Then, we stopped by the grocery store to pick up some things that might keep us out of Moe's and Subway every afternoon. Once back at the hospital, we found that Tera was doing great. They had increased her oxygen a good bit, probably because of the sedation. They monitored her respiratory rates fairly closely the rest of the day.

Her UCV line (line that takes things into her body through her belly button) also had to come out tonight. The line they had inserted in her hand to administer medicine had run its course, so that had to be replaced as well. More picks and pokes. Poor Tera!

We've also graduated to a bigger diaper size today!

When the Fellows made their shift-change, the doctor that I frustrated me so much yesterday was passing on his torch to the night Fellow. He redeemed himself by sitting on the floor next to me and drawing a picture of exactly what the PDA is. If I haven't explained it already, it's an opening between the heart and the lungs that typically closes at birth but is not unusual to stay open in preemies. The fear of it being opened is mainly a misflow of blood in and out of the heart that causes the heart to work too hard, which can, of course, lead to other problems. He explained that we could ride it out and see if it would close on its own in the coming weeks. However, he recommended that she take a first round of a medicine called Endocin. His reasoning was that the longer you wait to give the medicine, the less effective it will be in the end. The medicine takes three days to administer (they give one dose each day), then they will re-evaluate to see if aything else needs to be done. I consented to the medicine, but found out during Rounds that night that they will actually be giving her Ibuprofen instead. The side effects/risks are fewer and less severe, and the Attending felt it was better for Tera. She was put on food-restrictions for the night, but they could decide to reintroduce those later. I think the goal is to keep as few fluids as possible in her while the medicine does its work. Pray that this thing closes up soon. The more rounds of medicine she has to get, the higher the risk of kidney and intestinal damage. And, if the PDA won't go away at all, she'll go under the knife to close it surgically. Eeek!

So, a big day with a lot to be thankful for.

How Are Barry and Canon?

I didn't get to talk to Canon at all today. Barry has a 6:00 a.m. meeting in the morning, so Nana graciously accepted the invitation to let him sleep at her house tonight. This is actually a really great thing considering that the bed Canon broke on Monday night, broke again on Tuesday night, and Barry would not have gotten any sleep if Canon had to sleep in a bed with him! Barry is doing great. He doesn't tell me too much about what is happening at home . . . probably trying not to bother me too much with the details while I'm learning and making decisions up here. Canon is probably having more fun than if I was there with him, and while some Moms might get their feelings hurt, it makes me happy to know how happy he is.

From Rest to Action

Day of Life: 7

The Plan for Today:
While yesterday was a day of rest, today looks like it might turn into a day of action. MyGoo and I made it to the hospital in time to see the doctors make their rounds. This is what they have decided for the day:
1. Tera will get another Echocardiogram to see how the PDA is doing. They were hoping it would close on its own, but depending on how everything else is going, they may have to start some Endocin (like Ibuprofen) to help the opening close up.
2. They want to take the tubes in her belly button out. There is a risk of infection if these stay in too long, so they will be replaced with a PICC Line. This will be inserted in either her elbow or her groin and will allow the nurses to draw blood and/or inject fluids when needed.
3. They will start her feedings again today (yay!!). Dr. Toms wants her to be getting my milk to help her digestive and gastro systems to develop properly. If they decide to start the Endocin, they will have to withdraw these feedings again later.
4. They really want to get her off of the ventilator. Her oxygen levels have been good, but it has been a very slow process to get them there. They will try to do the PICC Line before taking her off the ventilator because inserting that line will definitely cause some stress, which could then cause her to be back on the ventilator.

So, we tentatively have a lot to look forward to / worry about today. Everything is separate yet connected at the same time. If "this" doesn't work, then we can't do "that" and if "those" numbers aren't right then we'll adjust "these." While I feel ten times more confident about all of this terminology than I did when I first walked in here on Saturday, I am still nowhere near understanding enough to communicate it clearly and accurately to friends and family, but hopefully you get the gist.

The nurses here are very big on letting parents take on some of the responsibilities of caring for their babies. Today, Helen let me take on my first task, swabbing Tera's mouth to keep it moist. This is Tera sucking on the little sponge and holding my finger. Finally, I feel like I'm doing something!


What Actually Happened Today:
Not too much of anything happened today, which put me (along with some nurses and grandparents) in slight distress. At almost 2:00, no orders had been given to take care of anything that Dr. Toms requested that morning. Thankfully, Helen went ahead and had them bring some of my milk down so that she could still feed her when the orders did come through. At 5:00, she had her first feeding since Sunday night, 2cc.


When Shannon (night nurse) checked her tummy three hours later to see if she had any residuals almost all of the milk was still there. Fortunately, it was still "intact" and not the bile that they had found on Sunday. So, as gross as it is, they refed her the same milk to see if she would digest it on the second round.

About 5:45, a doctor came by to get me to sign a consent for the PICC Line, though we were told it would not actually happen until late in the night or the morning. The Echo still has not been ordered, which is a bit frustrating because that will tell us more about the PDA which will help make some other decisions about feedings, etc. We've asked two doctors and pretty much anyone else that will come in the room if they know if the orders have been given for that. No one knows anything about it, but everyone is checking on it! I feel better all ready . . .

Everyone told me to be an advocate for my child here, and this was the first time I felt confident doing that. One particular doctor came in, and from where I sat, he just wasn't prepared. They were in the middle of a shift change, and he was updating his replacement. When Helen asked about the Echo, he made something up about doing a reread on the Echo that was taken Saturday that originally showed the PDA. Then he mentioned that we were continuing the Endocin to try to close that up. Finally - I know what he's talking about! "No, we're not doing any of that" were my words in a nutshell. Yes! I'm on my way to an M.D. and I've only been here a few days. "I'll check on that" was his response. I won't hold my breath.

The docs made rounds about 9:30, at which point we still didn't know what was happening with the Echo, but don't worry, they're checking on it. Dr. Sims was very impressed with Tera's respirations and gas levels. He ordered a blood gas to be taken at 10:30 to determine if Tera can come off the vent. This made me a little nervous because the PICC Line still is not in, and Dr. Toms was worried this morning that the stress of inserting that line might cause some problems. Dr. Sims, however, does not have the same concerns and is eager to take advantage of the opportunity to take her off the vent and start strengthening her lungs as soon as possible. If the window is there tonight, he wants to take it. This is going to be very interesting balancing between the Agressive Doc and the Steady Doc. I guess it depends on the night, and I'm just going to have to trust my instincts and the situation at hand.

I told Shannon that I didn't think I could handle staying to see them remove the vent. I watched her struggle to breathe on her own the day that I got here, and it was not something that I wanted to see again. I promised to call at all hours of the night to check on her. I feel like a horrible mother leaving like this, but I think it's a good sign that I trust these people so much to take care of her. I'm still at a place where I need to see her relaxed and comfortable. I'll be able to see her struggling once my hormones are more balanced.
How are Barry and Canon?
You tell me . . .

Nana (Mrs. Sharon) has been picking Canon up from school everyday and taking him to do all kinds of fun things. Today, they rode on the golf cart. When Nana told him she wanted to take a picture for Mommy, he said "Cheese!" automatically before she could even get her camera out. Technology is amazing these days. Because of our iPhones, Barry and I can see each other when we talk. It's called Face Time. Tonight, I got to see Barry and Canon before the Can Man went to bed. I even got to show them how Tera was doing. I think that Canon knows that Tera is a part of our lives now, but he just wants her in small doses. Sometimes if I mention her, he says "No, Tera" but he'll always say "La Loo" (Love You) when he sees her. After singing "Whole World" they went to bed. I can tell Barry is exhausted, but I know they are doing so great. Our friends and neighbors in Dothan are taking care of them as well as our friends and family in Birmingham are taking care of Tera and me.