The Balancing Act and Some Really Bad News

Just after lunch today, Barry called to tell me that he was leaving work to pick up Canon so that they could make their way to Birmingham. "I have some really bad news" made me uneasy, but I didn't think it could be that big of a deal. Well, it's really not that big, but it sure seems like it is now. He's not sure how he got it, but he woke up this morning with a crusty eye. Upon inspection, our friend, Kyle, determined that it was pink eye. He prescribed an ointment that Barry put on around noon. He will be contagious for 24 hours, which means that once he's in Birmingham, he can't be around me or Canon until tomorrow afternoon. I was so distraught. I have been waiting all week to see him. Though we were together last weekend when I first arrived in Birmingham, they were not under the most ideal circumstances, and we really got no time to hang out together. Now that I, along with Nonna and Lydia, will have Canon with us all night, I not only am going to miss Barry, but I have to make a decision about what to do about Tera.

Normally, I would leave her around dinner time to eat, then come back in time to meet the doctors during their rounds and hear their plans for the night. Nonna and I needed to leave the hospital at 4:00 in order to get Canon (who, by the way, could have already contracted pink eye himself). I decided that we would spend the rest of the afternoon with Canon and, if I needed to, I would get someone to drive me back to the hospital to be with Tera for a little while before bed. I knew I wouldn't be back to the hospital that night. Though I got a twinge of nervousness about it, I need to spend this time with Canon and to get some much needed rest. Tera's doing great, and I can call in regularly to check up on her. The Balancing Act.

Canon slept the whole way to Birmingham, so he was well rested when we got to him.

Of course, as his mother, the first thing I noticed was his attire.

Barry quickly explained that he had lost one of Canon's tennis shoes, so he had to wear his dressier shoes today. Ok, I guess, but what's the excuse for the rest of the outfit?

It was so great to see Canon. He gave me a big hug, though didn't seem that interested in spending too much time with me. He took off running down the street hoping I would chase him. Of course, I couldn't, and Barry had to run down to bring him back.

I tried to keep him corraled as best I could while Nonna unloaded the car. Barry just tried to touch as little as possible.

Though amazing to spend time with him, it was also very hard. He was fussy and doing some things that I had to get onto him about. He cried a lot, and it really broke my heart, even though he deserved the scoldings he got. I guess after watching Tera struggle with her bouts at the hospital, it was also difficult to watch Canon not be perfectly happy. I was proud of myself for staying strong and not giving in to my strong desire to just let him do whatever he wanted, anything to keep me from feeling so fragile.

We did have some wonderful moments together. We played with his train set together, and he climbed around on the sofa with me while watching Toy Story 2, occasionally laying his head on my chest. During the movie, Canon and I decided to send a picture to Daddy so that he could see how much we missed him.

At bedtime, Nonna changed him into his pajamas and read to him. But she soon called me up to help get him to sleep. I was happy that he wanted his Mommy. This part of the night was even more difficult than before. He cried when Nonna put him into the Pack N Play. I knelt on the floor and just held him to try to calm him down. Singing eventually got the job done, but it started back again when I finally announced that it was time to go Night Night. He began to cry again, even throwing his leg over the side of the bed to try to climb out. I scolded him harshly, hoping that might keep him in after I had left. I stayed with him much longer than I usually do before finally dragging myself away. The uncontrollable sobs came then. "Mama, Mama, Mama" over and over and over again. All I could think about was how abandoned he must feel. I've been gone for almost a week. I haven't put him to bed since last Tuesday night. We are both emotional wrecks. Fortunately, Canon was so tired that he fell asleep within a few minutes, though it seemed like much longer.

I've been naive to think that Tera's daily improvements are the only things our family is living with right now. Though they are something to celebrate every moment, they are only a part of our lives right now. I've known it all along, but it became a reality today that she and I are only half of a much bigger unit that includes our two guys. While her health and growth are the top priority, the rest of the unit cannot go neglected for three months. Like Barry said on the night she was born, "We are going to be a different family now." Bring it on!