A Nursery, A March, and Tera's Heart

Day of Life: 67

We'll start with everyone else's excitement today, then move on to Tera's excitement. I think I've mentioned before that MyGoo and my sister, Ann Steiner, were planning on redecorating our nursery for Tera. Today was the day for that. They, along with Doc, drove to Dothan to spend the day on this newest project. I got various updates throughout the day, even a few "What did you want to do with _____?" questions, but I realized when I saw the pictures how much they really did. First is Tera's new room.

We got this daybed from Leslie and Grant right before Canon was born. Our original idea was that this would be Canon's bed in their shared room. Now, however, I think it will be my bed when I refuse to leave Tera in here alone.



Tera's new bedding. I didn't think I wanted anything specifically for her (why can't she sleep in Canon's airplane nursery?) but I am so glad that they changed my mind.



This is my favorite chair in the house and where I will be spending most of my time this summer.



And now Canon's Big Brother room. This dresser was Canon's changing table in his nursery, but now it's just his dresser. We're going to have to rethink the TV. It's there because this is also our guest room, and because I like to fall asleep with the TV on, I like to have that option available for my overnight guests as well. But I'm as old-fashioned as my parents in thinking that children don't need TVs in their room. Just another thing that keeps them isolated from the family. I'll put it on my list of things to deal with later.



Canon's Big Brother bed. Barry's going to have to do all of the manual labor in getting him to sleep in it. Canon absolutely LOVES his crib and his pack n' play. He's only tried to climb out once or twice, and after hitting the floor, decided it really wasn't worth it. I think it's a security thing, maybe? He likes having the walls around him. Ann Steiner brought a bed rail to put up that hopefully will provide the same comfort for him.



Now, on to the March. The March of Dimes is an organization that, simply put, raises money for babies. There was one held in Birmingham, and Canon and I went to see what all the fuss was about. I had forgotten to ask Barry to bring my jogging stroller, so we weren't able to actually participate in the walk, but we did get to see the hundreds of people that did plan ahead and were ready to contribute.



The event was held in the UAB Quad. There were dozens of tents set up, some serving food and beverages.

This was taken just as the walk began.



There were blow-up jumpers for the kids to enjoy. Canon spent most of his time doing this:



I tried to push him in a couple of times, but he decided he'd rather just hang out along the perimeter and watch from a distance.

When he said that he was ready to go, we went to Starbucks for some breakfast.



Back in Dothan, my friend, Brandy, got a team together to walk in the local March of Dimes walk. This is Team Tera.



Don't I have the best friends? Leslie designed the t-shirts for everyone to wear (and one for me!). Even the kids got their own shirt (and one for Canon!).

These are Tera's "classmates." This is Harper . . .


. . .and Collins . . .


. . . and Eliza Jane . . .


. . . and Kinley, the newest member of the Dothan family.


And Canon's buddies, Colt . . .



. . . Julia . . .


. . . and Lola.


Here are a few pics they took throughout the morning.







Nice pose, Mandy!

At the last report. Team Tera raised over $700 for babies. We might have to make this an annual thing. My friends have been especially great at keeping me updated on everything that is going on at home while I am gone. They've even let me be a hostess to two baby showers that I couldn't even attend, much less help plan. I'll make it up to them eventually.

I think Tera appreciates everything they do, too.


Canon and I met Barry at the hospital in the late morning. We bummed our hot shower off of UAB today. I am happy to say that it is the first shower I have taken there in our entire stay. I know that might sound silly, but it's actually a real feat, for Tera anyway. It means that she has been healthy enough this whole time that I have never felt the need to spend the night just to make sure she made it through ok.

Barry took Canon to the park while I stayed to feed Tera. She's gained two more ounces, up to 5 pounds 6 ounces (2455 grams), and her feeds have been increased to 45cc. I held her only for about an hour before leaving again to find Barry and Canon for lunch. After eating, Barry spent he afternoon with Sam, and Canon and I went back to Lydia's for a nap. When we pulled into the neighborhood, the same dark windows that have been there for four days now greeted us again. I was dreading this nap because I just knew how hot and muggy it was going to be in the house. When I unlocked the door, however, my first realization was how cool it felt. Then, I noticed the light on in the stairwell! If I hadn't been holding a Dead Weight in the form of a sleeping Canon in my arms, I would have jumped up and down, maybe even sang something ridiculous at the top of my lungs. The power of power!

After Canon's nap, I went back to the hospital while Barry entertained Canon. When I got there, the nurse told me that she was just about to call. About ten minutes earlier, Tera's heart monitor had erupted in red - she had bradied again. The nurse grabbed two others for back-up (this is not like Tera at all)and rushed in to find a very blue and very limp baby. The nurse pinched her toe and popped her diaper and thrust the oxygen in her face until she finally came out of it, just as red and rosy as if nothing had happened. The nurse decided to change her diaper after this, and just as she was unwrapping it, Tera exploded with the biggest mound of poop the nurse could describe. Apparently, Tera had been straining so hard to go to the bathroom, that she made her own heart slow down. Her brain is still not mature enough to kick everything back into proper functioning when something like this happens, so she just kept pushing until her body was too weak from the lack of oxygen to do it anymore. I hope it was worth it! And I'm glad I wasn't there to witness it.

I decided to hold Tera Kangaroo style this afternoon. It has been awhile since we have gone skin-to-skin, and I thought a brady was a good excuse to try it again. After only an hour, it was time to leave again. Barry had plans to see a friend perform in a band, so I was on Canon duty tonight. The balance continues . . . Barry had him fed and bathed when I got back to Lydia's. All that was needed from me was a few bedtime stories and a rendition of "ABC's" and "Whole World" before Canon was quietly and comfortably in bed. I enjoyed the peace of a quiet house before falling asleep myself.

Date Afternoon

Day of Life: 66

We woke up to a house lit only by the sunlight and cooled only by the wind blowing through the open windows. Still no power. Sae and Leslie were very generous and let us come to their house to get ready for our day. I haven't had a hot shower since Tuesday morning, so it felt good to finally have even the very quick one I took this morning. (I have had a shower since then, just not a hot one!).

After finally being refreshed, Barry and I took Canon to OLS for the last time. There really is no telling when Tera will be discharged, but I have a feeling that when it happens, it's going to be faster than what I have been anticipating. I want to know that when that day comes, Canon is at least somewhat adjusted back to our old routine in Dothan. It's going to be hard enough adjusting to a two-baby household, and I'm hoping that sending him home a little ahead of time will help make that transition easier. I know Canon being there might put an added strain on Barry's day, but I've promised to either come home for a few days or bring Canon back up here if things get too difficult for him to do alone. He's taken off from work a lot more than he's used to, and he's been working hard to make up for it. But I know that he'll love having Canon there, and Canon will love being with him. Whereas I am the Caregiver, Barry is definitely the Fun Parent, always coming up with exciting things to do. We make a good team. I'm really going to miss Canon when they leave on Sunday. Though he has his Terrible Two moments, he also has a way of making everyday so much better. He's kept my life as normal as it could possibly be over these last five weeks.

When Barry and I left OLS, we decided to spend our morning at the hospital. We've been wanting to go to the movies, and we wanted to get plenty of time in with Tera before it started. She had a pretty uneventful day today, thank goodness. She gained 9 grams (2380 grams total), still at 5 pounds 4 ounces. I spent the morning holding her. She's still taking her bottles fairly well, not finishing very many but at least trying to take a few cc's before giving in to the tube.

Barry is not quite ready to hold her. I hope I haven't given the wrong impression of him through all of this (I have been known to do that in my writing). Barry is a seriously practical person when it comes to most things. He doesn't let his own needs or emotions get in the way of what makes logical sense. What makes logical sense to him is that Tera be exposed to as few germs as possible, and that means him keeping his hands off of her. He likes to look at her, and he talks to her from time to time. It's pretty much how he behaved around Canon in his first few weeks of life so I'm really not that surprised. He loves Tera , and he has his own special way of showing it.

We left in the early afternoon to go see Fast Five. Barry and I have never been much for the "date night" movies. Those are the ones that I go see by myself at the matinee showing. We usually see the action/blood and guts or the ridiculously-dumb-comedy type together. The things I do for him . . .

We picked up Canon after the movie and said good-bye to our new friends at OLS. I hope I have conveyed to everyone what a true blessing OLS has been to our family. They have not only allowed Canon to walk right in to their facilities but have also taken special measures to help him adjust to his new surroundings. The people there have made me want to be more helpful to others with no returns expected or accepted.

Barry hung out with Canon while I went back to the hospital for about an hour. While I was there, one of Tera's nurses came by to visit. She wasn't assigned to Tera today, but she came by on her break just to hold her for a few minutes. Tera was already wrapped up and in my lap, so I handed her over easily for a few minutes with this member of her Fan Club. It made me wonder how often this happens, and it made me hope that it happens a lot. Tera thrives off of being held. I even asked the Speech Therapist, somewhat jokingly, if I could put something on her bed that said "Please hold me while I eat!" so that her nurses would hold her instead of bottle-feeding her in the Isolette. Of course, they aren't always able to get her out to feed her, either because of time or because of other babies' needs, and I completely understand that. It's nice to hear that they hold her when they do have the time.

We met Sam and Alicia at Maffiaoza's for dinner. It's my new favorite restaurant in Mountain Brook. Canon went to sleep easily when we got home, and Barry and I watched Netflix on his iPhone. I know it's horrible to want the electricity to come on so badly when there are hundreds of people across the state who lost much more than power. Still, I can't help but hope that they make it around to our neighborhood soon.

The Day After Devastation is Still Devastating

Day of Life: 65

After resting from last night's drama, it was nice to wake up to a cool and calm morning. I took a colder-than-warm shower to start my morning off and complained about not having electricity. I took Canon to OLS then met Barry back at the house to drive to the hospital together. I don't know if it was during this drive or some other time during the day, but at some point today, I heard on the radio that the death toll from last night's storms was continuing to climb. At one point, there was only one known death. Then, it was thirty. Eventually, someone reported 150. By the end of the weekend, the scary number was not the number that were dead, but the 500 that are still missing. And I'm complaining about no hot water. Typical!

To be honest, it's very difficult to think about anything else when I get to the hospital. I said yesterday that I lose track of the Outside World when I'm there, and that goes for when I actually know what has happened to the Outside World. It may be selfish, but it's hard to focus on such destruction when I have been witnessing the opposite of destruction - development - in my daughter.

She gained another ounce last night. 5 pounds 4 ounces (2371 grams). When we arrived at the hospital and I was ready to get Tera out, the nurse handed me a blanket and said "Call me if you need something." Usually, the nurse does pretty much everything. She unplugs her temp probe and wraps her up while I sit in the recliner and wait on her to hand the baby to me. Today, I got to unplug her temp probe. I wrapped her up. And I sat myself down in the recliner while holding Tera in my arms. At one point during her feeding, when I had set her bottle down to give her blow-by (she had choked and lost her breath), I accidentally knocked the bottle on the floor. I picked it up, got a new bottle, and got it ready all by myself so that Tera could keep eating. I have never done this much for her in one day, and it made me feel like . . . like her mother.

When it was all over, I put her back in the Isolette, unwrapped her, and plugged her temp probe back in. The nurse even showed me how to reset her bed so that it would read her temperature correctly. Barry sat with us and watched, sometimes talking to Tera or showing me pictures from the disaster of last night. Eventually, we left the hospital to get some lunch then came back to visit with Tera for just a little longer before getting Canon. I love having Barry here. I get jealous of a lot of the women here whose husbands or boyfriends stay with them all day everyday. I know that this is not a possibility for us - Barry has a job, and for our well-being and his own sanity he needs to be at the job as much as possible. I'm sure I ignored him most of the time while I held Tera or busied myself with the usual things I do at the hospital, but still, it was nice to have him all to myself today.

Tonight, we went to a Birmingham Baron's game with Sam, Alicia, and Sae. I love taking Canon to sporting events like these. He's been to a few Troy University football games and some high school football games, but this was his first baseball experience. Of course, he didn't care a bit about the game, but he enjoyed playing on the bleachers.

And hanging out in the Cheap Seats with his daddy's buddies.

I love this picture!

We returned, again, to a dark house. After playing with flashlights for awhile, it was finally time to go to bed. Canon was completely worn out, as were the rest of us. What an amazing thing to have a house to sleep in tonight.

This Is Not a Drill

Day of Life: 64

I know that it has been several days since I have written. Part of this is due to our loss of electricity, another part to the fact that Barry was in town for an extra long weekend, and part due to the fact that I've been a little out of the Writing Mood these last few days. But I'm back now, so here is my best effort at catching up.

To be completely honest, I don't remember too much about the early part of this day, Wednesday, April 27. I remember waking up sometime between 5:00 and 6:00 a.m. and hearing a storm outside. I fell back to sleep quickly and, when I woke up again, realized that our electricity was not working. Apparently, the first wave of a massive string of tornadoes and thunderstorms had passed over our area in the wee hours of the morning and had caused power outages in all parts of the city. My brother-in-law works for Alabama Power, and he was in Birmingham helping with the relief effort by that afternoon.

Canon went to OLS as usual, and I went to the hospital. Tera had gained more weight, now at 5 pounds 3 ounces (2349 grams). She was still on Room Air and holding her own. I'm sure that I held her at my normal times, around her 11:30 meal and her 2:30 meal, but I honestly don't remember, and I didn't write it down. I did get these pictures of her today.




Lydia came to visit us in the afternoon. When it was obvious that more storms were coming and that we wouldn't have much fun at Lydia's with no electricity, we started brainstorming ideas of what to do. I eventually invited ourselves to Jamie and Bob's house - they were graciously accepting of my invitation - and we made plans to take pizza over for our Tornado Party. Sam and Alicia would also meet us there.

I drug my feet a little bit and left the hospital about 5:00. It's hard to keep up with the Outside World in that place, and I guess I didn't really realize the severity of it all. My plan was to pick up Canon first, then get something from Lydia's, pick up the pizza on Lorna Road, and finally head to Bob and Jamie's. When I pulled onto Highway 31 (a major highway, by the way) at 5:00 on a work day and found this . . .


. . . I knew I was in trouble. No, I'm not talking about the odd-shaped clouds in the background. I'm talking about the fact that at 5:00 on a Wednesday, I am one of only a handful of people dumb enough to still be driving when there are tornadoes about 50 miles west of my very location. I turned on the radio to stay updated. The tornado was headed for Tuscaloosa at this point, and there were a number of other small towns whose names I didn't recognize that were being effected by smaller, but still severe storms. The radio announcers were demanding that everyone in these areas get to their "safe place" as quickly as possible. I kept driving to OLS.

I was a little relieved to see that I was not the last parent to pick up my child. There were three or four others still playing, and Canon was nice enough to rush back out to the car with me without too big of a fuss. My nerves were getting the better of me, and I was eager to get everything done as quickly as possible. As we drove through Homewood toward Lydia's house, the radio announced that the tornado was in Tuscaloosa, ripping through University Mall and causing immense devastation on McFarland Blvd. It was at this point, if I remember correctly, that lots of people started calling. All of them, like the radio announcers, demanding that I get to a safe place.

Because the roads were basically empty, I was able to drive a little faster than I normally would. I spent less than a minute at Lydia's, then bolted out the door to get the pizza. I wasn't actually worried about being in the tornado, but I didn't really want to be driving when it got close either. I pulled out my trusty iPhone and located Pizza Hut on Lorna Road. When I ordered it, I thought that it was on the end of Lorna Road that is about one minute from Lydia's house. My map showed me otherwise. It was on the other side of Lorna Road, about ten minutes away. I decided to go ahead and get it anyway. We've got to eat! Again, clear roads were a blessing, and we made it there quickly. I remember Canon asking incessantly if he could watch a movie. I think I said "No!" several times before choosing just to ignore him completely. He seemed to take the hint and didn't argue too much. He talked to himself a lot, thankfully unaware of how tangled my insides were. I saw a driver get in his car to make a delivery, and this eased my nerves the least little bit as we headed for Bob and Jamie's.

The rain picked up very suddenly, and the announcers were now demanding that all Birmingham residents find their "safe place." When I got on the interstate, I realized how many people were still out driving. I couldn't decide if this made me feel better that maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought, or worse that I was now grouped with these idiots still on the road when the already infamous Tuscaloosa Tornado was headed this way. I think it started when I left Lydia's, but my prayers became automatic and continuous at this point.

"Lord, please protect us. That's what you do. You love and protect, so you're going to protect us now. Lord, please protect us." Over and over again. Minutes later, the reporters announced that the tornado, whose funnel was rumored to be nearly a mile wide, was headed straight for downtown Birmingham. Specifically, UAB.

"Lord, protect Tera. That's what you do. You love and protect, so you're going to protect Tera. Lord, please protect Tera."

At some point I started crying, at which point my prayers were broken up with "Moron! Stop crying! You're vision is already blurred with the rain. The tornado's not going to kill you. You are!" That dried the tears, I think. Meanwhile, Canon was still sitting in the back, still sporadically begging to watch Thomas the Train or Veggie Tales. He eventually switched to a game of Peek-a-Boo. Once we were safely in Mountain Brook and within minutes of Bob and Jamie's house, I reluctantly played along. I allowed his oblivity to calm my fears and let me somewhat enjoy these minutes with him. The tornado had steered just north of downtown by the time we got to the house. The hospital was safe, and so were we.

"Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Jesus!"

We watched the news while we ate pizza. Canon and Eleanor played innocently and naively. Oh, to be a child again, when you're biggest worries are "Who's going to give me my next piece of pizza?" and "What color should I use to scribble on this Sesame Street character?"

Before I even had a chance to think about calling the hospital, Tera's nurse called me to assure me that everything was fine. Tera is in a window room, right across the street from the construction of the new Children's Hospital. One of my biggest concerns was that debris from the construction site would blow through her window. Of course, the windows and shades are built to withstand such things, and she's in an Isolette so nothing could really get to her anyway. But still, a mother worries. I was happy to hear that when the hospital staff got the news that the tornado was supposed to hit downtown Birmingham, they pulled all of the Window Babies into the hall and prepared for an evacuation, just in case. The nurse told me that, in case of evacuation, she would just put Tera in one of the pockets of her Evacuation Apron, and they would make a run for it. I thought she was kidding, but when I arrived the next day, I understood what she meant. The nurses have to wear bright orange aprons with four pockets - two in front and two in back. The babies are wrapped up and dropped inside, and the nurse pulls a portable oxygen tank on the way out the door. I'm so glad it never came to this.

This picture was in Tera's room when I came in the next day.

Her first Tornado Drill. I'm sure she's all tucked in with her head down, just as she should be.

We stayed at Bob and Jamie's for awhile, glad to be safe but dreading returning to an unlit house. Canon went to bed immediately, and Lydia and I were not far behind. Barry left Dothan to drive to Birmingham at a time that we all thought would allow him to avoid the storms. He managed to drive very slowly through the last of it all in Clanton and was at Lydia's before midnight. Always living in my bubble, I was wrapped up in the joy that my family was all in one piece and all in the same city. For the next several hours, I remained fairly oblivious to what had just happened in our neighboring communities.

Why Won't My Children Eat?

Day of Life: 63

Canon woke Lydia up about 6:00 this morning. By the time I realized his crying wasn't part of my dream, she was working on getting him in bed with her. He ended up coming with me and fell asleep in my bed watching Veggie Tales. When I woke him up about 8:30 to get ready for OLS, I could tell he was having a rough day. Every little thing upset him, and all he wanted to do was sit on the couch and continue watching Veggie Tales. He usually acts like this when he doesn't feel good, but he didn't seem to have a fever.

When we arrived at OLS about half an hour later, his fussiness only got worse. He wouldn't get out of his carseat, and after I finally pried him away, he wouldn't walk away from the car until he had his blanket. Once in the building, he wrapped his arms around my neck and would not let go. OLS is having Spring pictures taken today, so one of his teachers walked with us to that room, thinking that maybe he would do better if I was with him. I assured her that I would only make it worse, so instead we walked to the kitchen to get some coffee. Eventually, his teacher just reached out and took him away from me, so I was able to make a quick escape. I assumed he would get over it quickly. but he's never acted this desperate to stay with me before.

I went to the hospital right away. When I made the usual late night call to the nurse last night, she had not had a chance to weigh Tera yet. So, when I walked in this morning, I was so excited to see this on her board:

Yay! 5 pounds 1 ounce! Lots of babies are born full-term weighing around this much. Tera's cousin, Ceil, was 5 pounds 8 ounces and was born at about the gestational age (35 weeks) that Tera is now. It's always good for her to be as full-term as possible.

The doctors came around while I was behind my pumping curtain. We call that area Oz, and I'm The Wizard when I have to pull it shut. Yet again they said that Tera was doing great. I asked them about Tera needing to start laying on her back more often. Once she's in a crib, she will no longer be able to lay on her belly. While on her back, her arms are working against gravity. I have discussed with Michele about the importance of keeping her arms tucked in to her chest to prevent any muscular damage to her back. The doctors said not to worry about any of that while Tera is still in her Isolette. She's fine to sleep on her stomach as long as she is in the Isolette, and laying on her back just a few hours off and on each day won't do any muscular damage to her arms and back.

After they left and I finished pumping, the nurse came back in. Because it's kind of odd to talk to doctors from behind a curtain, the nurse said she would get Tera's pediatrician to come back around to talk to me again. You might remember that last week, we thought that Tera would be in a crib by now, but it looks like it's going to happen next week, if that. I know Tera is not getting worse, but I just wanted a little more information about it all.

When the pediatrician arrived, I inferred from our conversation that I had probably been a little too hopeful that the crib was so close in our future. I don't think that was ever her intention. I really like Tera's pediatrician here. She takes a lot of time to really explain every little thing about whatever you want to know. In our case today, I needed to know more about the Isolette. She calls it The Box, so that's how I'll refer to it now. Basically, babies grow faster in The Box. In The Box, Tera's temperature is regulated for her. This way, all of the calories she eats can go toward helping her brain to develop instead of being burned to keep her warm. Brain development is the key to pretty much everything moving slowly with Tera. Her brain controls her heartbeat, her breathing awareness, her bottle feeding. Everything. In the womb, babies' brains don't need to do all of these things, so it is no wonder that Tera's brain has not fully developed all of these functions yet. Once it has developed as it should, she'll quit having de-sats and bradies. Her suck-swallow-breathe pattern will become more natural, and she'll start taking her bottles more easily.

The pediatrician makes decisions much more slowly than some of the other doctors and nurses here, and especially in our case, I think that's a great thing. No need for Tera to bounce back and forth from Isolette to crib and back because she was never ready to be in the crib in the first place. I was originally told that Tera would only have to take half of her feeds with a bottle before going into a crib, but this doctor likes for her babies to take all of their feeds via a bottle (no feeding tube). It just goes back to the brain development I discussed earlier. If Tera hasn't mastered that function, then her brain needs the extra calories to help it grow.

Another thing we discussed were vaccinations. I think I just assumed that Tera would get her 2-month vaccinations when she was supposed to be two months old, but I was informed today that these would probably be happening soon. The pediatrician explained that Tera will get five or six (I can't remember exactly) vaccinations over the course of a few days. Most of them won't affect her at all, but the DTap (Diphtheria Tetanus Pertussin) shot is what gives most babies fits. If she's going to get sick from any of the shots, it's probably going to be this one. For this reason, she wants Tera to be as stable as possible and, if possible, still in the The Box. That way, if the vaccine does negatively effect her (i.e., she needs more oxygen) it will be easier to just pump it into The Box than to give her continuous blow-by in a crib. Right now, the plan is to see how Tera is doing at the end of the week. If she's still on Room Air and holding steady on Friday, we'll probably try the DTaP shot and see how she does over the weekend. If by the beginning of next week, she seems to have tolerated it well, we'll make a plan for giving her the other vaccinations.

Barry, of course, will be here this weekend, so please pray that she tolerates this first vaccine well, if for no other reason than to not scare her Daddy.

After our conversation, I felt much better about Tera not rushing into a crib. I think I was worried that if she didn't make it into a crib soon, then something was not developing correctly when in fact, we're just making sure that everything does develop correctly before we ever make that decision.

I gave Tera her 11:30 bottle, and she continued her practice of being a "normal preemie." No Rock Star today. I kept her out to hold her while the rest of her meal went through her tube. She's been really great about not de-satting too much while I hold her, even around meal time. She was behaving similarly today, so when I heard her monitors beep, I didn't rush too much to get her blow-by. It was probably just another minor de-sat. When I did look at the monitors just a couple of seconds later, I saw her heartrate number blinking, too. This means that her heartrate has either dropped or increased. Since she was fast asleep, I deduced that it had dropped. The waves on the monitor were spread further apart than usual, a sure sign that she had, in fact, Bradied. Her oxygen saturation was getting lower and lower, so I adjusted her head (to make sure it was upright so that air could get through easily) and held the blow-by close to her face. Her nurse ran in immediately and looked at her. I knew Tera was a little pale, but she's done that before. Her saturation continued to drop, now in the 20s and teens. Surely it would just be a second before she gets pink again. The nurse very politely said, "Let me try something," and she grabbed Tera and jolted her up in the air. Tera immediately started crying, color flooded her face, and her monitors settled down.

It all only lasted a few seconds, but that was long enough for me to register every little detail of what happened. When it was over, I was surprisingly glad that I was holding her when this happened. I've never seen Tera brady before, so I had no idea what the nurses do when that happens. Now I know, and I won't just hold the blow-by at her face next time. The nurse told me that Tera was "clamping down." In other words, she was holding her breath. I was a little embarrassed that I couldn't see that, but I'll know to watch more closely next time.

The rest of the day was much calmer than this first half. I left in the late afternoon to pick up Canon. I found out that he had been a perfect child as soon as I left. He quit crying immediately and did a great job getting his picture taken. He even helped out the photographer by entertaining one child while he took a picture of a different one. I think I might bring out the worst in him sometimes.

This was proven yet again when we got back to Lydia's. I fixed Canon chicken fingers and added a few pieces of cheese. He used to love cheese but hasn't been great about eating it lately. Once he finished his chicken, I told him he needed to eat at least three pieces of cheese before he could get down to play. He refused over and over, and I eventually I let him down (probably a big mistake), but I still wouldn't let him play until he ate his cheese. He was completely unwilling to budge on his decision not to eat it. I eventually lowered it to one piece of cheese (another mistake), and, not surprisingly, he continued to refuse. I turned off the TV and moved all of his toys to the kitchen table so that he couldn't reach them. He cried for awhile, and at some point I just began ignoring him. I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point it became less about the cheese and more about the principal of him not whining his way into getting his way. I remember looking at him and saying "You are not going to win" and knowing that I really meant it. Before too much longer, I told him to eat his cheese or we were going to take a bath and go to bed. He still refused, so I scooped him up and headed upstairs.

"No! No! Cheese" he cried, so we went back downstairs. He grabbed the piece of cheese but wouldn't put it in his mouth. I took him right back upstairs, stripped his clothes off (despite the great fight he put up) and gave him the fastest bath he's ever had. He usually likes to play during Bath Time, but tonight was all business. Once he was back out and dressed for bed, I told him that if he didn't eat one piece of cheese, he was going straight to bed. Once back downstairs, I got a fresh piece of cheese. He looked at it for just a few seconds but finally decided to chew it once I put it in his mouth. I don't know if I really "won," but I do think he learned that when Mom says "If you don't do _____, then I'm going to do _______," she means it. This probably could have been better avoided if I never took him out of his chair. I guess we both learned a lesson tonight.

After the Cheese Battle, Canon and Lydia got out all of his trains and played on the floor. Lydia has really taken the place of Barry in all of this. This is exactly what he usually does at the end of the day - keep Canon entertained while I be the wife and mom. I'm not sure if Lydia really meant to sign up for all of this, but she's really good at it.

What About Barry
I was much better about leaving Barry alone today. I don't want to be the reason he is held up from coming to visit. I was able to talk to him for awhile about the nursery situation again. He was planning to move a lot of furniture around based on the conversation we had during my anxiety attack on Sunday. After discussing it tonight, we realized how ridiculous it is to completely swap their two rooms. Instead, we'll keep the nursery where it is and move Canon into the Guest Room. That way, he can move back to Tera's room when we have guests, and Barry doesn't have to swap so much furniture so quickly. I'm still trying to think of fun things we can do while he is here during the day. Maybe something outside . . .

The Tortoise and the Hare: The Tale of a Schizophrenic Preemie

Day of Life: 62

I slept through my 2:00 a.m. alarm this morning and woke up at 3:30. Because I was so wide awake - and because my next alarm was set for 5:00 - I decided just to stay up and get the rest of my things packed for our trip back to Birmingham. Maybe we could even leave a little bit earlier than originally planned. I went into Canon's room about 4:15 to get a swing to take back for the baby. When I creeped in, Canon popped up and looked at me, as wide-eyed as I had been at 3:30. He hung out on our bed while I finished getting ready, and we were on the road by 5:00. The sun started rising somewhere around Brundidge, which is also about the time that Canon fell asleep.

By Prattville, I was worried that I might fall asleep any minute, so I pulled off the interstate and parked behind a hotel (not a sketchy one, I promise) to take a short nap. Canon woke up as soon as the car stopped, so my nap was canceled. Instead, I sat in the backseat with Canon and covered up with a blanket to do my motherly duties while he watched Thomas the Train. I was wide awake by then, but I got a caffeine fix at McDonalds before getting back on the interstate . . . just in case. Canon stayed awake the rest of the trip, and we made it to OLS by 9:00. I explained our morning to his teachers and apologized in advance for what was sure to be a difficult day for them. They said not to worry. All of the kids would be a little off their normal routine this morning because of the long Easter weekend and all of the sugar that was involved.

I went straight to the hospital after that and found my tiniest child fast asleep.

I re-explained my morning to the nurse, and told her that I was just going to pull the curtain for a little while and take a nap. Just as soon as the curtain was in place, the doctors came in to make Rounds. Tera's pediatrician was back today. We seem to never be at the hospital at the same time, and I was glad to see her. She gave Tera's progress report to the Neonatologist, and then they were away. Nothing to discuss today.

I finally curled up on the couch to rest. While I dream, I'll tell you how Tera is doing. She gained another ounce last night. She weighs 4 pounds 15 ounces (2245 grams). In talking to her nurses on the phone over the weekend, it seemed that Tera was taking a bottle generally every other feed, though they gave her one whenever she seemed interested. She usually only took about half of each bottle, however, which made me question how interested she really is in this whole bottle thing. I'm not sure that she finished even one whole bottle since I fed her early Saturday morning. This is not a bad thing; it's just still something I'm getting used to. If the beginning of last week was a Sprint, the beginning of this week has the makings of a Marathon. Early last week was all about quick progress for Tera. She was The Hare. Since the weekend, it's all about slow and steady. Again, not a bad thing - just something new. The Bottle Battle continues.

I was able to rest about an hour before deciding I could function for the rest of the day. By then, it was time to try Tera's first bottle of the day shift.

She did just as her weekend nurses had reported, but I really didn't care that she only took about 10cc. It was great to hold her again. Today while she ate, she did everything a little opposite. She would fall asleep when I put the bottle in her mouth, then wake up when I took it out. She'll get it eventually.

Soon after feeding her, I got a text from Elyse that she and Bryan were back for their follow-up visit with their son. For those of you trying to keep up, Elyse is Mary's sister. Their son was born full-term two days after Tera was born. They were in the NICU with us for a few days because of a possible heart problem. They found out today that there really is no problem, and his heart is just as healthy as it should be. I sat with them in the 2nd Floor lobby while Elyse fed the baby. They also have another son. He's about six months younger than Canon, so they coached me on having two kids at home. After keeping them at the hospital way longer than they expected to stay, I finally let them leave.

When I got back to Tera's room, the Speech Therapist was there working on her bottle feeding. Earlier in the day, Tera's nurse had gotten caught up dealing with a problem with another baby. Because of this, Tera was about an hour off of her normal feeding schedule. Tera was not bothered by this at all. She slept straight through until the nurse got her ready to eat at 9:30. (I hope this is a good sign for the future). The plan was to gradually work her back into her regular feeding times, but when she didn't take her whole bottle at 11:30, she got the remaining milk through her tube a little later than usual as well. So, when the Speech Therapist was there at her normal 2:30 meal time, she had really finished her previous meal only about two hours earlier. Needless to say, Tera wasn't interested in this bottle either. She just wants us to leave her alone already!

It wasn't long after this that I decided Canon and I needed to get home a little earlier than usual. I left the hospital about 3:30 to pick him up from OLS. We were home well before 5:00, so I got an early supper ready for him. Canon has started this routine of coming home each afternoon and laying on the couch with Lydia for a little while to watch a cartoon movie - usually Monsters, Inc. Today was no different, except I think they watched A Bug's Life.

By 7:00, we were upstairs and reading our night time stories. After some FaceTime with Barry, it was time for bed. He didn't put up much of a fight.

Lydia went to a movie tonight with a friend, so I had the house to myself and my sleeping toddler. I spent a couple of hours writing and eating, then I, too, tried to get to bed earlier than usual. There is always something to do, however, so I didn't actually make it to bed until about 11:00. I still think I'll get more than my usual six hours tonight.

What About Barry

Barry had to put up with me a lot today. I was really good and didn't call him too early this morning while we were on the road, but once he was awake, I kept him on the phone for a bit longer than usual so that I could stay more alert. At some point today, I talked with the nurse about Barry's concerns with bringing Tera home too early. She told me that, first of all, she didn't think Tera would be ready to go home in "a couple of weeks" like the doctors originally thought last night. After the weekend she had - with fair bottle feedings and her oxygen jumping up and down even the slightest little bit - I wasn't surprised to hear her say this. Regardless of when we go home, the nurse said that we should voice all of our concerns to the doctors to make sure they understood if we weren't comfortable bringing her home. She also said that the doctors wouldn't send her home until she was absolutely ready to come home, no matter how competent we are as parents. My point in telling you all of this is to say that I called Barry to tell him all of this as well. Over the weekend, we had a few discussions about his concerns with Tera coming home early, and I was trying to ease his mind a little bit.

I also asked Barry if he would take a couple of days off work to come spend some time in Birmingham during the week. I want him to do this for two reasons. First, it will give him time to be around Tera for more than an hour over the course of an entire weekend. I don't want us to sit at the hospital for eight hours at a time while he's here, but I do want him to be around her more than he has been before she comes home. I think it might make him just a little more comfortable with her, even if he's not more comfortable with her coming home. The second reason is just for us. Usually when we're together, we also have Canon. We like it this way. On the weekends, we want to have Canon with us because one of us hasn't been around him for the whole week prior. On nights that a set of grandparents has him, we usually spend lots of time with our friends. All of these weekends have been great, but I would really love to spend some time with just Barry. If he comes up on a weekday, Canon will be at OLS, so - between hospital visits - we can plan some fun things to do together. We can go to a movie in the middle of the afternoon (this is one of my favorite things to do) or something else fun. I just think it's important that we get at least a minimal amount of time together before we have two kids at home, one of which I don't think I'm going to want out of my sight for the first several weeks.

All of this is to say that Barry eventually had to tell me today that if I wanted him to be able to take two days off of work, I was going to have to leave him alone so that he could some work done. Point taken!

Easter-Palooza

Day of Life: 61

I knew as soon as I got home yesterday that I probably wouldn't be going back to Birmingham until Monday. I hated it, too, because today will be the first day that I don't get any pictures of Tera. I thought about asking her nurse to take one for me, but they are under strict orders not to take pictures with their own cameras. One nurse last week suggested that I leave a disposable camera in the room, but of course I forgot to get one before I left. So, today, I have no idea what Tera looks like, though I'm guessing it's exactly like what she looked like yesterday, only an ounce heavier. I already said this in last night's post, but Tera finally started gaining real weight again last night. She is up to 4 pounds 14 ounces.

Since I can't show you a picture of Tera, I'll show you her Easter basket.

I like to be somewhat economical (has anyone ever noticed how close that word is to "comical?"), so I got things that I thought she could actually use one day, then incorporated things that her nurses could enjoy over the weekend. The bottles are filled with jelly beans and Reese's peanut butter eggs, and the snack container has M&Ms. The eggs are also filled with various candies. It's more than Canon got on his first Easter!

Canon went to bed pretty late last night, so we let him sleep as late as he could before it was time to get ready for church. I ordered him an Easter outfit before Tera was born, but it came in two separate shipments. When I went to look for it last night, I couldn't find the shorts. I looked all over the place this morning and finally found them stuffed in a diaper bag that I had filled with some of his clothes the last time I was home. My intention had been to put everything in the diaper bag just to carry it to his room, then unload it when I got there. I never got around to unloading it, however, and now a month later, I had completely forgotten what was in there. I looked through the bag as a last resort and . . . crisis averted.

I took Canon outside to get some pictures. Last year, I got a few really cute ones of him in front of this cross.

Barry and I got married in my backyard because my church was not quite big enough for the hundreds of people we wanted to invite. We still wanted a "church" wedding though, so my mom had this cross made to place on a table that acted as our altar. It's one of my favorite things. Canon doesn't seem to impressed by it this year.

So, we tried a different location.

The trains were the only way I could get him to sit still.

And yet another location. When he still wouldn't even look at the camera, I decided it was time to give up for now.

We made it to church a few minutes early to get a good seat for the service. Mary told me last night that they were offering a third service this morning, and we were debating which one to attend. I wanted to attend the one that would have the most people that I knew in attendance. We decided to stick with our regular 10:40 service, and I was able to see lots of people that I haven't seen in awhile. Funny story: We saw someone that we've worked with during youth events before. He asked us how "that baby" is. Assuming he was talking about Tera, Barry and I both just said "Doing good." He responded with, "Just wait til you have two of them." Well . . .
Barry left me to explain things.

I was especially excited to see our minister, Hays. He's been checking in with me on a regular basis. We joked that we've talked more since I've been away than we do when I'm in Dothan. And also my dear friend, Christie. She and I have been emailing these last couple of months. She's one of those friends you can ask to do anything, and she would drop anything to make sure it gets done. When Canon was in Dothan with Barry, Christie kept Canon a couple of times. You might remember the picture of the "Toy Story Trance" soon after Tera was born. She got this family picture for us.

Of course, I can't leave Tera out of the family picture. This is my favorite picture of her in her Easter dress.

After church, we went home to get ready for the 3rd Annual Easter PotLuck Lunch (I just named it that). Barry and I are very blessed to both have families that want to spend so much time with us. After traveling between and amongst them during our first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a married couple, we decided that Easter would be our holiday at home with our Dothan family. The first couple of Easters, we pretty much just bummed off of other people's families, namely Josh and Mary's. Two years ago, however, our friends started a tradition of an Easter PotLuck Lunch. Josh and Mary hosted the first one. Canon was one month old, Ava was one day old (obviously not in attendance), Colt was one month away from birth, and Luke was still attached to his "real" family so he didn't make it either. Last year, we hosted the lunch at our house, then hung out in the park for all the one-year-olds to hunt Easter eggs. Canon actually just sat in the grass, emptied his Easter bucket, then put it on and off his head for about an hour.

This year, we decided to host the Easter lunch again, mainly because the park is such a great place for the kids to play after lunch. Everyone brought a different dish, and we ate to our hearts' content. The boys all took naps after lunch, and we sat on the porch enjoying the day. Actually, we sat on the porch because it was cooler outside than in. Barry and I (really Barry!) had left one of the windows open in the den, so the air conditioner wasn't working quite as efficiently as we would have liked. What with so many people coming in and out, the house never cooled back down.

Once the boys awakened, they were eager to play outside. Mary brought over their blow-up pool, and she got out Canon's pirate ship. John and Erica were driving by, and their son, Jack, got to play as well.

We did try an Easter Egg Hunt in the park. One of the older boys hid the eggs, then Colt, Luke, and Canon went hunting. Truth be told, the adults looked for the eggs, then pointed them out to the children. Luke was the best, probably because he can outrun both Colt and Canon to get to the eggs first. It was fun to watch them race and cheer them on. Canon fell more than anything else. In the end, I think every child had at least one boo boo.

A late afternoon thunderstorm brought the party inside for a little while. We continued to eat and enjoy each other's company. My friends probably don't even know this, but I had a minor anxiety attack at some point during the day. It's actually a little deceiving to call it an "attack." There was no heavy breathing or sweating or racing heart. In fact, at first I thought it was simply a stomach ache from too much Easter candy. When I started to cry, I decided it must be some kind of anxiety. I think I was most nervous about the changes that were about to happen. Canon would need to come back to Dothan at some point, preferably before Tera and I come home. While MyGoo and Ann Steiner are taking care of the nursery, I still worry about Canon transitioning into his new bed. We had originally thought that we would let the two kids share a room, but sometimes that seems ridiculous. I had brought back so much stuff from Birmingham, and now it was spread out all over the floor in our bedroom. I don't even know why this anxiety came upon me. I had just been enjoying my day with my friends and being excited that I might be back home for good soon, then all of a sudden, it seemed like everything was moving way too fast.

Barry talked me back into sanity. We decided that Canon and Tera could each have separate rooms, and he would take care of moving all of the furniture around. I don't have to have the whole house in order before Tera gets home. She's not going to care! I'll have plenty of time this summer to unpack bags, clean out closets, move things from one room to the other. No need to stress about it now. I felt much better after being reassured, but I still had a funny feeling in my tummy. Maybe it was a little bit of the Easter candy?

After our friends went home and Canon was in bed, I went ahead and packed the car for our drive tomorrow. I remembered from my last trip home that I could not get out of the house fast enough, so I wanted to be prepared for that same feeling in the morning. Barry and I went to bed early, but of course it took me forever to fall asleep. I think I'm finally accepting that six hours of sleep is a good night for me.