Blow by Blow

Day of Life: 47

I got some much needed extra sleep this morning before making it to the hospital in time for Tera's 11:30 bottle. She's only getting one bottle during each shift right now, and the nurses have been really good about waiting for me to get there to see if I want to give it to her, which I always do. Barry was with me, so he held the blow-by while I held the bottle. She held her oxygen saturation very well, only needing the blow-by held close a couple of times. She was obviously very exhausted though. She only took about 2cc before falling asleep. The nurse gave her the rest through her feeding tube, and Barry and I left to go get our own lunch. A quick weight update - she now weighs 1868 grams which is 4 pounds 1 ounce. Her oxygen level in her bed is hanging between 24% and 25%, depending on whether or not she has recently eaten. After she eats, it is usually increased a little because of her de-sats. Her full belly just won't allow her lungs to expand completely and get enough oxygen.

I've been wondering if I have given Barry and Canon enough credit for their roles in all of this. I tend to write as if this experience is just about Tera and me. I know I give Canon and Barry updates, but I don't think I've done a very good job at explaining how crucial their support has been. I realized today, I think because Canon is with Nonna and Poppa, that he has done a lot to help keep things as normal as possible for me. Without him today, I really felt kind of lost. Should I spend more time at the hospital? Should I do something for myself? When he is here, it feels right to spend my days with Tera and my evenings with Canon. But now that he's gone for a few days and I have more decision-making freedom, I'm realizing that sometimes it's easier to have those decisions made for me. I am glad to be more available to go to the hospital, especially at night or earlier in the morning, but I miss him terribly. He keeps my sanity in check.

Barry has just been a rock. He told his boss a long time ago that if I ever need him to come here unexpectedly, he was dropping everything and coming this way. Thankfully, we haven't had to do that, though he has come close a couple of times. Before all of this, he tended to keep our day-time conversations short and to the point. Now, though I know he is even busier than before, he takes time away from work to talk about whatever I need, which is usually nothing but just to talk to him for a second. The first few weekends he was here, I was a little disappointed that he didn't want to spend more time at the hospital. But that was just his way of adjusting to all of this. He always wants to see her when he's here. He just doesn't have to spend hours at a time with Tera like I do. He is always willing to do whatever I need him to do though. If I want to stay for hours, I get to, even if it means he has to take care of Canon by himself. If I wake up in the morning with a strong need to head straight to the hospital, I get to go, no questions asked. If I need to talk about something incessantly until I feel better about it, he listens to me. He's pretty much just given himself over to be whatever I need him to be. I'm sure he's as ready as I am for our lives to get back to the way they used to be.

After staying at the hospital with me for over an hour, then getting my lunch and helping me clean up (he really does a little bit of everything) Barry was ready to go back home. I returned to the hospital. Someone was coming around to take Easter pictures, which meant that Tera would be wearing clothes for the first time. When I got back, the picture takers were on their way to her room. I was surprised (and thrilled) that the nurse let me dress her all by myself. I know Tera is getting so much better, but I'm still surprised at anything new that I am able to do. I had so much fun dressing her, and it wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it would be, seeing that I had to put clothes on her with my arms through portholes. This is her first outfit:

It was given to her by my friend, Ashley. Here are some other pics of her all dressed up.

Her nurse said that I could keep her dressed up in her isolette as long as her temperature didn't get too high. I only kept it on for a few extra minutes before letting her cool back down.

After awhile, I felt like Tera wasn't very comfortable on her back. Normally I would wait for a nurse to come change her position, but since they're letting me do so much more now, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Michele (my sister-in-law) told me once that it's good for preemies to lay on their sides. I think it helps with muscle development and it makes them feel more secure, providing them with boundaries instead of open-air freedom. This was my best attempt at getting her into that position. I hope it's right!

Lydia told me the other day that I should take another picture of Tera's foot against my finger. I did this on my first day at UAB, and her foot covered from the tip of my finger to the second joint. This is her foot today:

It's grown another joint's length! Though I really do miss Canon, one reason why I wanted Nonna and Poppa to take him with them is so that I could come back to the hospital at night to give Tera her night-time bottle, which I did tonight. Before that, the nurse got her out on the scales to weigh her. I had changed her diaper right before this, and she had only a tiny mess in it. Once the nurse got her out and began removed her diaper, we found that she had almost completely filled it up. She took the diaper off, leaving a cute little naked baby on the scale. I realized that I don't think I have seen her 100% naked ever. Sorry I didn't get a picture. I was too busy watching her squirm around. While she lay on the scale, she continued to poop a little bit more (yuck) and even tee-teed all over the paper towels. My first instinct was to get it all cleaned up and start again, but the nurse was not concerned about it. She got everything she needed before we put a new diaper on Tera (she was still laying in her tee-tee, but I guess she does that in her diaper as well) and got her back in her bed.

While she was out, the nurse had to take Tera off of all of her leads and turn the monitor off. This just means that we couldn't read her heart rate, respiratory rate, or oxygen saturation while she was out. She was on the scale for maybe three or four minutes before the nurse got her back in the bed and everything turned back on. She acted great the entire time, but I was eager to see what her numbers would be. When the nurse got everything replugged and rebooted, we found that everything was perfectly normal. She had stayed on room air for a few minutes and needed no help from the blow-by. I was so proud of her!

Then, we got her all bundled up and ready for her bottle. Here are just a few quick shots:

She did much better eating this bottle than the two previous ones I have given her. The nurse stayed with me most of the time. She held the blow-by and gave me some pointers about how to give her breaks in between sucks to catch her breath. She eventually had to check on her other babies, however, and we were left to go it alone. The biggest scares were the two or three times that she choked. I think that when she swallowed, she forgot to breathe, and it became difficult to catch her breath after that. It's difficult to watch Tera and the monitors so I tend to rely mostly on her. There was one time that I thought she looked a little blue. The nurse was with us at that point (thank goodness), and she instructed me to sit her up and rub her back to encourage her to breathe. It worked, and Tera was soon pink again. She ate the whole bottle. Like yesterday, she got excited with the sucking, and I had to lower the nipple to give her a break to breathe. She'll get it perfectly in no time, I'm sure.

When she was finished, I held her for just a little while longer before putting her back to bed. I did this all by myself as well. I got all of her wires back in place, unswaddled her, and flipped her over on her belly to get her comfy for the night's rest. I even plugged her temperature wire back in, though I didn't know / wasn't allowed to set the temperature on the bed to keep her warm and toasty. I headed back to Lydia's for the night, eager to write about all that has happened to us this weekend.

I checked in on Canon as well. He went to church with Nonna and Poppa tonight. That is where they were when I called. Nonna told me that at that time, Canon was pushing a baby around in a toy shopping cart and calling it Baby Tera. So sweet! She was trying to get a picture of it, but everytime she tried to take the picture, Canon would quit pushing the buggy and find something else to do.

Finally got one!

After church, they went to eat at the local Mexican restaurant. This is Canon with Rachael, one of our closest Winfield family friends. Her family owns the lake house with the Moss's, so Canon has spent a lot of time with Rachael and the rest of the family at Smith Lake. He looks happy to see her again.

Good night, Canon! La Loo!