We've made it to April! I know that it is not a significant milestone in Tera's life, but the start of a new month feels like a big deal to me.
Canon finally cried today when I left him at school. I'm sure that sounds horrible that I would want him to cry. I don't. Actually, it broke my heart when I walked away listening to him call out "Mama! Mama!" But in my limited experience (today included) daycare teachers seem to want the mothers of crying children to make a quick exit strategy so that they can get on with their day. I hated leaving him like that, but honestly, it made me feel a little better. He's finally starting to need me again.
I got to the hospital earlier than usual this morning. It seems that this typically happens on days immediately following other days that I get less time with Tera. I'm always extremely eager to get back.
We had a very pleasant morning together. Tera did her usual eat, sleep, have vitals checked, repeat pattern. I spent most of the morning on my computer - in between staring and touching sessions, of course. I started a tradition last year of giving Blog Books as Christmas gifts to my children's grandparents and great-grandparents. There is a website I use to publish all of my posts from a single year into a book. I usually have this done much sooner than April, but what can I say? Unexpected things have recently come upon me. I finally got those completed and shipped to their respective owners today. I also managed to catch up on this blog. My trip home earlier this week left me a few days behind on my updates (sorry about that). I understand that some people have been worried that something terribly wrong has happened with Tera, and I must be too distraught to write about it. The exact opposite is true, however.
Tera continues to grow, now to 3 pounds 6 ounces, and she has graduated to an official preemie diaper. I know, I know. You're probably wondering what she's been wearing up until this point if not a preemie diaper. Well, truth be told, I'm not sure myself. All I know is that today, our nurse pulled out a genuine package of Huggies diapers. No special ordering needed. Just grabbed right off the shelf and stuffed in a bag at WalMart (or bought in bulk and shipped to UAB at no additional charge).
I'm sure you remember the picture of her first diaper. It barely covered the palm of my hand, and now you almost can't see my fingers. The joy is in the simple things these days. You can tell from the above picture that they are slightly on the large side (in fact, she managed to crawl out of it at one point!). When I came in from lunch today I saw that Tera had a dirty diaper, so I took matters into my own hands and changed it (after getting permission from a nurse, of course). When I pulled the tabs across to fasten it, I literally pulled the right-side tab all the way to her left leg and vice versa. If she can handle it, I can.
As a side note, I felt a bit silly walking around the floor today trying to find a nurse to get permission to change my own child's diaper (our nurse was at lunch). I almost did it without asking, but I just knew that I would unhook something important - like a wire or possibly a part of Tera's body - and I wasn't willing to take that chance. It was only yesterday that I flipped Tera over for the first time. I'm sorry I didn't write about it then, but it is really something to be proud of. Throughout this whole experience, my family and I have marveled at how the nurses handle the babies. To turn them over, they grab the baby's head with one hand and their rear end with the other. They hold the baby's head still, and with one swift motion, rotate the bottom half of the body until it is facing up. It takes less than two seconds and literally looks like the neck could snap at any moment. Thank goodness it hasn't yet. It's not dangerous at all . . . it just looks scary to those of us not accustomed to it. You can understand, then, why it has taken me more than five weeks to become comfortable enough to do this myself. I am not very good at it, by the way. I know that 3 pounds does not sound like a lot of weight, but when you're holding a baby by the head, it feels impossible to lift.
Instead of lifting and twisting, I tend to follow this procedure:
1. Lift slightly off the bed.
2. Roll her over about a quarter turn.
3. Lay her down to rest my weak arms.
4. Check for breathing.
5. Lift again.
6. Roll remaining quarter turn.
7. Check for breathing.
8. Adjust wires and tubes that inevitably got tangled.
9. Check for breathing.
10. Give sigh of relief that all parts seem to be intact.
Now do you understand my need to get permission before doing something as simple as changing my child's diaper?
One great thing about Tera getting bigger is that when she is awake, she is so much more alert than usual.
Not only is she awake longer, but when she is awake, she is always watching what is around her. This is when I really wish I knew what she was thinking. What can she see? What does she think it is? Is she bored? Is she scared? Does she have an itch? Barry is convinced that most of the time, a baby is crying for something as simple as an itch that he is unable to tell us about. Though this is actually somewhat insightful, I can't help but wonder what would happen if, when we bring Tera home and she wakes up crying at 2:00 in the morning, I ask Barry to go scratch her until she falls back asleep. Would he think it was an itch then?
Thank goodness for this cat nap. It put him in an excellent mood for going out to dinner with Barry's family. In previous posts, I've mentioned a couple of changes I've noticed in Canon, and dining out is one of them. There was a time (not long ago, I might mention), when Barry and I simply would not take Canon anywhere. He talked loudly, screamed when he didn't get his way, banged forks on the table, and ran around like a crazy person when all attempts at keeping him in a highchair failed. Now, however, he has matured quite a bit. He's still a two-year-old, mind you, but he's improving his communication skills so that he can both say what he wants from us and understand what we want from him. A lot of his vocabulary is still a little difficult to comprehend, but he works hard at it and is teaching us his new language.
If I haven't mentioned it yet, I absolutely love having him up here with me. If I'm being honest, I was very anxious about it at first. I was worried that I would be more stressed out with him here. It would mean less time at the hospital and more time fighting with him. As has been the case in most situations since we've been here, the opposite has come true. He is so much fun to have around. I find myself planning things for us to do, even things that will take me from the hospital a little earlier than I might normally leave. He's got the a great sense of humor and though his temper rages from time to time, he can be brought back to reality without too much stress. And now that his best friend, Daddy, is here for a couple of days, I'm sure the weekend will only be better.
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