Day of Life: 55
Last night I had high hopes for an early-to-bed scenario. I finished my day's work by 9:30 and, because Canon had been in bed for over an hour, I decided that I could safely enter my room (where he sleeps in his Pack 'N Play) and get myself ready for bed. As soon as I opened the door, Canon jumped up and smiled at me. He didn't fuss, just asked for his juice, which I got for him. After putting him back in his bed, I went about my business for the next half hour or so, hoping that he would go back to sleep. Nope! So, I left him alone again and went downstairs for another hour until he finally fell back to sleep. My hopes last night were that he would be asleep by 8:30 and me by 10:00. Instead, he was asleep by 11:00 and me after midnight.
So you can imagine that today has been a little restless for me. I was determined to have Canon up early so that he would take a good nap at OLS today. Fortunately he woke up on his own, much more alert than I was at 7:45. After dropping him off at OLS, I went straight to the hospital. Tera's room was very dim, so I knew this was going to be a lazy day for both of us. The nurse, of course, got her out for me as soon as I would let her (which was soon!), and I held her for a little while before it was time for her bottle.
I think she looks a lot like Canon in this picture.
She took her bottle very quickly and with only a few de-sats. She never choked, though, and she's actually started breathing while she sucks. Normally, she takes several chugs from the bottle then takes a break (either on her own or forced by me) to breathe. She still did this a lot today, but she also took breaths during her sucks. I never paid much attention to it when I've watched full-term babies drink, but when Tera did it this morning, I realized it's what most babies do. I always like when she does full-term things.
The nurse told me that the doctors had already rounded that morning. They mentioned that they were going to schedule another echo to check on the PDA. No one has heard the murmur in quite some time now, but because Tera is just hanging on to this last little bit of oxygen, they want to make sure the PDA isn't the cause of it. The tech came to Tera's room early this afternoon to do the echo. She's not allowed to say anything about what she saw, but the nurse told me that, because the tech did not express any urgency in the Cardiologist looking at it, that there was a really good chance it was clear, i.e. the PDA is not a problem, maybe even non-existent.
While at lunch, Tera's pediatrician called me to check in. I couldn't get to my phone at the time, but her message explained everything else that had been discussed at Rounds. Tera is slightly anemic, but because she is not showing any symptoms, we're going to ride it out and see if she can cure herself. She hasn't been transfused in awhile (I'm thinking weeks), and they want her body to start producing red blood cells on its own rather than depend on a blood transfusion everytime her hemotacrit is a little low. So for now, we'll keep seeing what Tera is made of. The pediatrician also wanted to make sure I have been to the Discharge Class. She doesn't want anything to hold us up once it's time to go home (music to my ears!).
When I returned from lunch, the nurse and I discussed the appropriateness of "pushing" Tera to be a little stronger. First, with her extra oxygen. The nurse says that some babies will stick with that extra oxygen until it's taken away. The Nurse Practioner has also mentioned this to me before and explained that they take babies completely off oxygen even if their beds are still supplying 23%. She would still need the blow-by from time to time, and she might even go back to the Isolette once or twice before she really can do it all on her own. I wonder when they'll start that push.
The second push is about her bottle feeds. Now that Tera seems to be an expert at drinking from a bottle, the thing that seems to keep her from full bottle feeds is her energy level. We base whether or not we give her a bottle on how alert she is when we change her diaper and get her ready to eat. If she's awake and happy and moving, we try the bottle. If she seems more lathargic, we don't try. We noticed this morning that Tera wasn't completely alert when we got her bottle ready this morning, but the nurse knows how much I love to feed her so she let me try anyway. Tera took the whole thing. So, we thought, maybe we can start trying it a little more often to see what she can handle. Of course, it will be a slow push. She took a bottle at 11:30 this morning, and the nurse was going to try it again at 5:30. Depending on how it goes, the night nurse will decide when to give her the next one. Yet again, the 4 1/2 pound preemie is in charge.
Speaking of weight, Tera gained weight last night! I was so excited to hear that she gained almost two ounces. She weighs 4 pounds 9.9 ounces (I just can't make myself say 10 until it's actually that). So, apparently the extra fortifier is not as needed as I thought yesterday. The Aminophylin needs are yet to be determined. While I was at the hospital today, Tera had at least two episodes where she just couldn't hold her oxygen saturation up. Even with the blow-by, she bounced up and down several times before finally settling in to a healthy range of 85 to 95. From what I can tell, this doesn't mean that she needs increased oxygen (the nurse never even touched that button on her bed). It's just her body getting used to the lack of caffeine in the Aminophylin.
"It's not a setback." I have to keep remembering that. She's still supposed to be floating around in amniotic fluid while I do all of this work for her. The fact that she is already as healthy as she is is truly unbelieveable. I would be 34 weeks pregnant now, still considered a premature delivery. She shouldn't be doing full-term things yet.
Despite knowing all of this, I can't help but be desperate to go home. I know that's a dramatic word, "desperate," but that's how it felt today. I'll blame most of it on my lack of sleep last night and the fact that I am so looking forward to visiting home this weekend, but I was in a funk today. I was tired, cranky, and just didn't feel that great.
When I picked up Canon late this afternoon, I had already decided we would not be doing anything fun. Canon had the same idea. He fussed over the most insignificant things, and I promise I'm not just saying that because I was cranky, too. He cried because he wanted some juice, so I gave him the last of my root beer. He cried when he finished that. Then he cried (like "Help me! I'm in pain" kind of crying) again when he got his thumb stuck in the straw hole. When we finally got home, Lydia turned on a cartoon movie, and I made him a healthy meal of frozen chicken fingers (microwaved, not conventional oven-cooked) and banana slices. Lydia and Christian left for a birthday dinner, and Canon and I didn't talk again until he was finished eating. We both needed that moment of Brain Dead-ness.
Tonight, I got Canon in bed (again) before 8:00 and now, at 9:30, I'm about to sneak stealthily into our shared room and try to be fast asleep within the hour. I'll report back in the morning.
What About Barry
The last time I was home (three weeks ago) I got all of our tax documents out so that Barry could work on filing our tax return. Last week, I asked him to please bring me all of our mail so that I could start paying this month's bills. When I sifted through the mail he brought, I found all of the tax return documents in the stack with the bills. Barry explained that he planned to take care of it today, which is technically the last day to file. After leaving yesterday, he called to tell me that he had left all of the documents at Lydia's house. This was just not the day for this. He called our friend, Sae, to ask if he could file them for us, and of course Sae was happy to do it. After several texts and phone calls from Barry today, asking me "Where is this?" and "How much did we spend on that?" Sae decided to file an extension, and Barry will have to do it himself. Between not having to take care of a wife or any children and having someone to clean our house every other week, I don't know that he'll be able to find the time. (See, I told you I was cranky!).
She seems to be growing so fast, give her kisses from me. Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts and info about Tera, Cannon, Barry, and yourself.Prayers are continually being said for all of yal. Remember, yal are loved and missed very much!
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