Blessed

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Genesis 5:22-23

Day of Life: 23 - A New Perspective

Has anyone noticed that it's finally Spring? These are a few pictures from around Lydia's neighborhood.

Before I begin, you should know how well Tera is doing. She gained weight again yesterday and has now passed her original birthweight! She weighs 1089 grams, 2 pounds 6 ounces. Her sodium level continues to rise, up to 130 at her last test. And the doctors are constantly bragging about her progress. However, none of this seemed like enough when I walked into her room this morning and saw that the oxygen in her Isolette had gone from 26% yesterday morning to 31% this morning. I asked her nurse about it and suggested the possibility of a return of fluid in her lungs or possibly a low red blood cell count. Tera has had both of these dilemmas before, and she usually "tells" us about them by showing a need for increased oxygen. The nurse accepted those as possibilities, and we agreed to ask the doctors about them when they came by later in the morning.

The Resident was the first to come by to check on Tera. I mentioned the increased oxygen, so she did a quick exam. She listened to Tera's heart and lungs, reviewed her chart, and bugged her a little bit to see how she would react. She looked good, sounded good, and acted good so there seemed to be no need to worry. But, of course, I still worried. The Resident said that the Neonatologist would be around after lunch, so we could discuss it then. Why does everything have to happen later? Why can't it happen now?

Every Thursday, the March of Dimes hosts a luncheon for the parents "stuck" in the hospital. I've missed the last two but decided to go to today's event. The Chaplain spoke about coping with being in the NICU and CCN. What I took from the luncheon, however, was a new perspective on mine and Tera's situation. I attended the luncheon with about eight other mothers. To begin, the Chaplain had us speak quickly about where we were (NICU or CCN) and how long we had been there. After everyone had spoken, I realized what a good situation my family is in. We have a baby who is getting better with few and minor bumps along the way. One mother had been at UAB since September and another October. They had both been back and forth between the NICU and the CCN. One day their child was better, the next worse. One mother was supposed to be discharged today, but it has been put off. Another has been here since December.

One mother went home with a seemingly healthy baby after a week in the CCN, only to return about a month later when her son quit eating. When she got here, she learned that her son's lungs were so full of fluid that it was difficult for him to breathe and eat at the same time. He basically had to make the decision to breathe instead of eat. He was put on the ventilator as soon as he arrived back here on Monday, and now it looks like he will probably be having heart surgery in the near future. He also has a host of other problems, many of which the mother knew about during her pregnancy. Her Ob/Gyn found the son's heart condition during an early ultrasound, and she had been coming to UAB for weekly appointments before her delivery. The sad thing is, though, that she felt such hope when she and her son were sent home so quickly, and now that all seems to be crashing down as he has digressed so much in the last couple of weeks. To make matters worse, she brought her son back to UAB for a regular appointment, thinking that they would return home. When her son was readmitted to the NICU, she was stuck with no change of clothes, only the four-inch heels she was wearing (don't ask me why!), no car, and no place to stay. Her father was able to get her a few items from WalMart, but there is still so much that she needs.

I decided after hearing these stories that I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself and for my daughter. It doesn't mean I can't ask questions or be worried. It just means that I need to take more joy in her small victories instead of diving into stress at all of the little hiccups we occasionally hit.

The Neonatologist reassured me again on this. When he came by to visit this afternoon, he encouraged me not to worry about her oxygen moving up and down. Even if it gets into the 60s, I shouldn't worry. "When should I worry?" I asked. "When we have to put her back on machines," he responded. Of course, if she even gets up to 35%, I'm probably going to ask about it again, but I'll try not to worry too much about it now.

Tera and I began a new section in our book today. I know it seems strange to say this about a three-week-old baby, but I really believe that she loves when I read to her. Her whole body changes. Her oxygen saturation levels out, and we can typically just spend that time together with few interruptions from the beeping machines. Continuing on with our book discussion, Part 2 is entitled "Praying for Your Child's Character" and Chapter 5 is "Praying for Wisdom and Discernment." This chapter is dedicated to praying that your children make good decisions and, in everything they do, give their very best to God. My favorite line from this chapter comes from 1 Corinthians 10:23, which states "'Everything is lawful' (the author uses the term "permissible") but not everything is beneficial." In other words, there are many decisions we could make that are acceptable or adequate, but what God deserves is the best. We must use wisdom and discernment to determine what is the best that we can do for God. "Praying for your children to desire God's best will help prevent them from settling for that which is merely adequate or good." Tonight, I have two prayers for Canon and Tera. "Do not let Canon and Tera look at the things man looks at, but let them see the world through your eyes and respond to it with your wisdom and love." 1 Samuel 16:7 and "This is my prayer: that Canon and Tera's love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that they may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes from Jesus Christ." Phillippians 1:9-11

I held Tera again today, and I remembered the Retro Camera app on my phone that takes vintage photographs. I liked this one:

She looks like she's wearing clothes.

When I got ready to take a break from the whole hospital scene, I went to say good-bye to Tera and found her wide awake. I just couldn't leave her like this. Anytime I got close to the Isolette, she would look in my direction, as if she knew that someone was there.

When she finally fell asleep, I felt like I could finally take a break. I left for the night, praying for a quiet and peaceful evening for my daughter.

What About Barry and Canon

I haven't heard anything from Canon tonight. I think Nonna and Poppa know how tired I am, so they're trying to keep the stress level down. I'm sure Canon had another great day with a new set of friends. Barry left work early today to host some friends for the first round of the tournament. He and Canon will both be back here with me tomorrow to spend another fun-filled weekend. Maybe we'll make it to the zoo this time!

I got these pictures from Nonna later: