Breathe and Grow

But respond favorably to your servant's prayer and his request for help, O Lord, my God. Answer the desperate prayer your servant is presenting to you today. Night and day may you watch over this temple, the place where you promised you would live. May you answer your servant's prayer for this place. Respond to the request of your servant and your people Israel for this place. Hear from inside your heavenly dwelling place and respond favorably. 1 Kings 8:28-30

As obvious as this probably is to most people, I sometimes forget that the hospital needs our prayers as much as Tera needs them.

Day of Life: 21

Tera gained another 15 grams yesterday, so she now weighs 1035 grams, the most she's weighed since I arrived in Birmingham 17 days ago. On Monday nights, the nurse also measures how long she is. I am happy to report that Tera has grown 1/2 inch making her 16 inches tall now. When I arrived at the hospital, things immediately felt better than yesterday. I'm not sure if the Charge Nurse "warned" our nurse about the Crazy Lady in Room 2395 or if our new nurse is just really that good. Whatever the reason, she took excellent care of both Tera and me, always explaining things fully and checking in on us regularly to make sure we were both ok.

I held Tera almost as soon as I arrived, making up for our awkward experience last night. This time, we went skin-to-skin, and it was much more pleasant.

Tera listened carefully as I read Chapter 3 from our Praying the Scriptures for Your Children book. This chapter focuses on praying for your child's gifts. In it, the author (Jodie Berndt, for anyone interested) talks about how those little "quirks" our kids have are sometimes early signs of gifts God has planted within them. She tells the story of how she came to realize that her daughter's "quirky" way of making lists and laying out plans was actually a gift, the gift of organization. When she first complimented her daughter on using this gift God had given her, she tells how her daughter "beamed" at her mother's recognition. This made me think of Canon. For those of you who know him, he's a pretty quirky kid. Most notably, he's a button-pusher. He's attracted to anything with buttons. He got a new Buzz pillow for his birthday the other day. The first thing he did was try to push the plush buttons on Buzz's chest. He even got a little disappointed when nothing happened. It's difficult to talk to someone on the phone when Canon is around because he just wants to push the buttons. He can navigate both mine and Barry's iPhones to find whatever game he wants to play or movie he wants to watch. He can even take pictures and make movies with the phone. At times, this can be quite frustrating. Leave the phone alone, already! But what if this button-pushing is just his way of demonstrating a gift that he possesses but just does not know how to use purposefully yet? Maybe he has a gift for discovery, as I think that is his true passion for pushing buttons: he just wants to see what happens. Maybe he has a gift for taking risks (healthy ones I hope) because, who knows what will come of pushing that button, but he's going to find out. I look forward to seeing how God uses Canon and Tera's quirks to make them better disciples.

One thing that really interested me was what the author's friend, Pelle, says about children's gifts. I'm going to quote it because it made so much sense the way he said it. "We think God looks at us and says, 'O, boy, look how talented he is. I think I'll use him to do such and such.' But in reality, God gives us gifts and talents long before we are capable of doing anything." Pelle says later in the chapter, "Our job (as parents) is not so much to develop our kids' gifts and talents as it is to encourage them to stay close to the Lord. We often tell our children that it doesn't matter what they do - simple or great - as long as they walk close to the Lord. That's when they will be truly successful, and that's when they will be able to do God's work." This really spoke to me both as a parent and a teacher. We are always wanting our kids to be the best at whatever they do, no matter what "the best" is - the nicest, the tallest, the prettiest, the smartest, the most athletic. We often encourage the development of that gift, thinking that being "the best" will help us grow closer to God. As Pelle says, however, the opposite is true. As parents, we should teach our children to grow closer to God so that God can develop that gift. In that way, we know (and God knows) that the gift is being used for His purpose, not ours.

At the end, of course, we said our prayers: "Let Canon and Tera use their gifts for the common good, recognizing how they fit into the body of Christ and using their special abilities to build up and complement others." 1 Corinthians 12:7-26. This, by the way, is exactly how I think of Barry, always working for the common good and always a chameleon, changing what needs to be changed about himself to build up and complement others. I know this prayer will be answered for our children.

The rest of the day went by smoothly. I went to lunch with friends, then to Lydia's for a bit to decompress. When I returned to the hospital, I took the same old pictures again. I just can't help it. I'm trying to capture what I see in her everyday, but I don't think I'm doing it justice. I haven't shown everyone her feet in a few days, so here are those long and gangly things at the end of her legs.

It's hard to get a clear image of just how long they are because of the bandages, but they'll be in clear view before we know it. And here is the classic Tera Shot.

She's just so darn peaceful.

We did have a minor health alarm come up today. It actually came about two nights ago when her nurse took her usual blood to run the nightly tests. The test two nights ago showed that Tera's sodium was low. They discontinued the diuretic last night, assuming the it was causing the low sodium count and hoping that the sodium level would come up on its own. When today's nurse took another blood test this afternoon, however, they discovered that her sodium was still low. The doctor ordered that a sodium supplement be added to her feeds for the next three feeds. They will at that time (1:00 a.m. tonight) do another blood test to determine if her sodium level has come up at all. If the new results are pleasing to the doctors, they will probably put her on a once-daily sodium supplement to maintain the appropriate levels. If her numbers are still too low, they will continue the supplement during each feeding until she reaches a safer zone.

I talked to the nurse about this today, wondering how a low-sodium count would effect Tera. She seems to think that this could be the reason for her increased de-sats over the last couple of days. Though her oxygen has remained steady at 26%-27%, her oxygen saturation has dropped low several times in the last two or three days. She brings it back up with some help from the oxygen mask, but it typically drops again a few times during the day.

Because this is new information for me, what I am going to say next might be totally inaccurate. I sometimes have to hear things at least twice for them to make good sense. Basically, the nurse explained that your sodium effects the amount of electrolytes in your body. Electrolytes are some of the things that help your organs function correctly. When you don't have enough electrolytes, your body tends to not function as well. Tera could be de-satting so often because she doesn't have enough electrolytes doing their job in her system. Once her sodium goes back up, the theory is that her de-sats will go down because her electrolytes will be performing their jobs more effectively. (At this point, I am imagining tiny green aliens with big colorful sunglasses running around inside Tera's body trying to make everything work correctly. I really am becoming the Crazy Lady in Room 2395.)

This will also eventually help with her weight gain. When they discovered fluid in Tera's lungs about a week ago, they quit increasing her feeds as much and as often to avoid having even more extra fluid. She went to 16cc early last week, and now she is only up to 17cc of milk with the added fortifier. They gave her the diuretic to get rid of the fluid, which in turn also got rid of too much sodium. So, if her sodium will go back up and the fluid will stay out of her lungs, they can continue to increase her feeds at a normal pace, thus causing her to begin to gain more weight faster. Again, this could all be inaccurate information, but it makes sense to me.

"Sleep and Grow, Sleep and Grow" is the motto that my friends used with their premature daughter several months ago. Tera's sleeping habits seem to be just fine, so I'm going to edit their mantra a bit to fit our particular situation: "Breathe and Grow, Breathe and Grow." It's what keeps Mama happy!

I don't want to brag about how much I am living it up in Birmingham, but Sam's parents came into town tonight and took us to dinner at Bottega, one of my all-time favorite restaurants in the big city. Sam's mom, Jan, showed me a picture of a candle she keeps in her kitchen. She is part of a prayer group that has been praying for Tera every day. She lights the candle each day and says a prayer for Tera, the hospital staff, Barry, Canon, and myself. I love to hear how many people are thinking and praying for us. If you ever wonder what you can do, that is the best thing.

What About Barry and Canon

You will be happy to know that Barry is loving Bachelorhood. Though he had late meetings last night, tonight was reserved for friends and basketball. The NCAA tournament starts this week, and I'm happy that he is able to enjoy this most sacred time of year. We have an understanding that the only gift I'm really allowed to give him must have something to do with March Madness. One year, I gave he and a few of his buddies tickets to the first two Rounds of play in New Orleans. Two years ago, he watched a conference championship game during the delivery of our first child (you're welcome again, Barry). And this year, thanks to Nonna and Poppa this week and MyGoo and Doc next week, he's getting the freedom to enjoy the games with no extra Daddy duties. I've always told Barry that he wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth but a silver platter.

And Canon is having the time of his life in Winfield. Because Nonna has taken on a part-time job, tutoring four mornings a week at the local elementary school, Canon is getting better acquainted with our friends in Winfield. Today, he spent some time with the Bradfords, a very close and dear family that owns the lake house on Smith Lake with Barry's family. Canon has spent lots of time with the Bradfords at the lake house, so I know he was perfectly happy hanging out with them this morning. Something you should know about the Bradfords is that their family is made up of three daughters, all of whom adore Canon. The older two are in college, and the youngest daughter recently had knee surgery and is at home recuperating. The oldest came home to visit today, and this is the text that I got from Kevin (the Bradford Dad) while Canon was at his house: "Ok so there is this little, cute blond headed boy at my house. He is just hanging out. He speaks and says Beez, Buzz, choo choo, jess ("yes" I think) and other stuff. He is a pretty cool kid . . . I just hope he doesn't drown in that sea of estrogen I have to navigate everyday. Rebekah is home so the E level is spiking . . . " I laughed out loud when I read this, knowing how much Kevin enjoyed having another boy around the house while also knowing that Canon has a lot of estrogen to behold in the weeks to come when his Mom and baby sister get home. These are some pictures Nonna sent me to show how much fun Canon is having. This is his birthday present from Nonna and Poppa - a Toy Story Big Wheels.

Gosh, he looks so big in this picture! When did he grow up?