Days of Life: 31 & 32
Friday
Friday definitely set the stage for the relaxing weekend ahead for Barry and myself. This is our first weekend in Birmingham without Canon, so we won't be doing any of the fun stuff like going to the zoo or playing on the playground. Instead, we're going to have to find ways to entertain ourselves. For me, that means hanging out at the hospital with Tera with occasional breaks to see friends. For Barry that means hanging out with friends with occasional breaks to come see Tera. Can you say "Men are from Mars . . .?"
Friday morning I drug myself out of bed to go back to the gym. Don't worry. I've only been walking on the treadmill or riding a stationary bike and using some machines on extra light weights. Nothing too strenuous, just enough to make me feel less like a slob. Then it was off to see Tera, who gained 6 grams last night. We are now at 1351 grams, still just shy of our three pound milestone.
The last few days with Tera have been so relaxing, and today was no different. Her calmness puts me into a bit of a trance as well. There are plenty of thank you notes I want to write or emails I want to respond to, but when she's quietly resting, I just want to be quietly resting. I've been reading the books on my nook a lot these last couple of days or just sitting by Tera's bed and watching her breathe. It's amazing the little things that bring joy.
Like her chubby (and hairy!) arms.
Or how she loves to hold her hand in front of her face.
Or getting to see her whole face. The nurses turn Tera over once every three hours when it's feeding time. They (or I) change her diaper, take her temperature and take note of things to record on her chart. Occasionally, if she's really good while we mess with her, the nurse will leave her on her back for awhile, just to give her experience in that position. Tera always de-sats within a few minutes of them leaving, but it's good that she gets this opportunity from time to time. Today, I remembered to get a few shots of her in a position where I could really see her.
And a short video. I actually took this video three times. The first two times I was recording, Sam and Barry were talking and saying dumb things, so they asked me to delete those. Of course, during those first two, she sneezed and did lots of other cute things. In this one, she started to de-sat - the nurse's sign to come turn her back over.
I held Tera for the first time since Sunday. I was finally convinced that my pink eye was officially gone, so I afforded myself the luxury of touching my own daughter. It's strange somehow that this simple act, something I took for granted before, is now one of the most meaningful parts of my day. She was very squirmy today. It's as if she couldn't get comfortable. The heart monitor tabs attached to her chest and stomach must have come slightly unstuck because her heart rate "waves" were very unconventional, rectangles and triangles instead of the typical straight and vertical lines.
Barry had arrived in the mid-afternoon - just in time to ruin my video! - and after a couple of hours, we left to join some friends for pizza and basketball. Of course, I called to check in, and Tera was fine as usual.
Saturday
My first look at Tera - her dark hair. It's difficult to tell here, but it's actually getting longer.
She gained 14 grams last night, up to 1363. Officially three pounds! If you told me two months ago I would have a three pound baby, I would have been terrified. Today, I feel like I might have the fattest baby at UAB! Apparently the paparazzi got to Tera before I did over this fantastic feat because, when I took her picture, she was tired of the flashing cameras!
Though I love all of Barry and Canon's visits, the weekends are the most difficult part of my week. I always feel torn as to who to spend time with. Of course, when Canon is here, there is no debate. I spend as much of his awake time as possible with him, then visit Tera during his naps or when I think he can handle being at the hospital for half an hour. I'm trying my darndest to balance having two children, but my emotions are usually a wreck when they're in the same city. With Barry, I'm a little more selfish. Though working out and basketball take up some of his time, it's easier to take advantage of Barry's time when he's here. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the hard truth. He has to be frustrated by the fact that if I'm not actually at the hospital, I'm talking about when I can go back. Or if it's late at night and we're both exhausted, I stay up later so that I can write about Tera. I'm always thinking about her, and I don't do a good job of hiding that fact when it's just Barry and me.
This was the struggle I had this afternoon as I realized that I only had a couple of hours with Tera before I needed to leave to go to a wedding. I almost started crying when I realized that I probably wouldn't get to hold her today. Because of my need to pump, Tera's need to eat, and our nurse's busy schedule discharging patients, the timing just wasn't working out. I was only a few minutes into my pumping session and almost in tears over this dilemma when the nurse came in to ask if I was ready to hold her. Throughout this month, I've been borderline religious about my pumping. I have developed quite a routine and am as on-schedule as life will allow me to be, rarely allowing myself to go more than thirty minutes or so past my three-hour scheduled time (unless, of course, I sleep through my alarm), even scheduling meals around pumping. Today, after only nine minutes (I usually go for 20 to 25) I decided that my emotional needs trumped the schedule. I turned off the machine and got ready to hold Tera. I'm so glad that I did. It's one of the best times we've had together.
She was so alert at the beginning. Her eyes were opened wide, but her body stayed still. It's difficult to take pictures of her when she is so close to me, but these are some of my favorite shots.
I love when I can catch her smiling. That's her feeding tube in her mouth, not a slimey worm. Yuck!
Once she fell asleep, she laid so still and peacefully. I read our chapter about praying for your child's relationships with friends. It was a meaningful chapter about praying that your children will not only choose Christian friends but also be faithful and loyal friends to others. I have to say here that I hope my children have all kinds of friends - different races, different religions, different backgrounds. I know that is a scary thought at times (for me, too), but I'm hoping that I will somehow encourage my children to be strong enough in their values and beliefs that having friends with different ideas won't be a negative influence, but instead a way to challenge and build their own faith base, not to mention do the same thing for those "different" friends. As usual, only time will tell.
What I remember most about our time together during this reading was just how calm Tera was. Yesterday, she was so jittery that I worried that maybe she just couldn't get comfortable. Today, however, we could have been laying on the sofa at home as a normal mother and daughter, enjoying an afternoon of rest. Even the occasional monitor beep could not disturb us today.
What About Canon
I don't know that Canon is going to want to come home with me after the last few days he's spent with MyGoo, Doc, and Ceil. The last two days that I've called, he's been far too busy to talk to me. He'll manage a "Hey, Mama!" in passing on his way to the next activity. Here are a few of the things he's been up to.
Building . . .
Coloring: "Lello? Where's the Lello?"
And enjoying the benefits of the local ice cream truck!
I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I'll pick him up from MyGoo and Doc in Montgomery on my way home. The sadness/nervousness I feel about leaving Tera is fighting the joy/excitement of seeing my friends and spending time with my family under our own roof.
No comments:
Post a Comment