Day of Life: 24
Tera now weighs 2 pounds, 8 ounces! I couldn't be more excited about that. If only the other parts of her development were going as smoothly. You might remember yesterday that I told you how unconcerned everyone seems to be with Tera's increased need for oxygen. This is not to say they are not watching it, but just that they do not seem worried. I mentioned that, while I accept that this might happen from time to time, I will still be asking questions even if the oxygen in her isolette rises even to 35%. Well, this morning, someone (Tera) wanted to see if I meant it. The oxygen level in Tera's isolette was set at 36%, and it would continue to go up all day, even to 42% when I went home tonight. Our nurse kept a close eye on it. Even one of the doctors came down to check on her and talk to me about possible scenarios. Right now, there doesn't seem to be a reason why she is needing so much additional oxygen. She does seem to be struggling a little bit more to take breaths (please, don't let us go back on the ventilator) but that's not a big worry right now. Her lungs sound good, so there's not too much concern about there being fluid in her lungs. I personally think a blood transfusion would help. She's had more blood than usual withdrawn over the last couple of days because of her low sodium count. I've mentioned this to two nurses now, but neither of them seem to think there's a problem there either.
The problem is that she has been de-satting A LOT. Her oxygen saturation hasn't gone too low on her de-sats, in the 70s and maybe dip into the 60s (we want it to stay between 85 and 95), and she usually brings herself back up to normal range without any help from extra oxygen. Still, her oxygen just kept needing to be increased throughout the day. I noticed that when I read to her or held my hand on her head, she seemed to calm down. When I hold her, especially, she's easy to moderate. The problem is that I can't hold her or keep her isolette open to touch her or read to her for too long. Oxygen and heat escape through the open door, so we try to keep our "visits" down to about ten to fifteen minutes at a time. Otherwise, I would sit there with my hand on her head all day long.
I noticed something interesting while I was holding her today. I was reading to her from my nook. I downloaded a book about a woman who gave birth to a premature baby. The description said it was "funny" and "witty" so I thought I'd give it a shot. Tera was great the entire time I read, rarely needing any extra oxygen blown in her face. Well, in this book, the woman is actually pregnant with twins, but one of them "demises" about half-way through the pregnancy. When I read this part to Tera, I think every light and ding on her monitors went off. Her heartrate dropped, her oxygen level dropped. There was no warning at all. We went from calm and quiet to red lights and loud noises. I got her back to normal quickly, but not before noticing what surely broke her heart. I won't read to her about "demised" babies anymore.
As much as I love being around Tera, I am one of those people who cannot stay in the hospital for twelve hours straight with no break. So, today I decided to get my haircut. This is the picture I sent to Barry to ask him if he liked it.
He said that once I sent him a picture of myself smiling, he would give me an honest answer. So, I sent this:
And his response was: "While you and your face are scary your hair looks great!!" What a funny guy.
Barry got into town about 5:30. We met Nonna, Poppa, and Canon at J. Alexander's for dinner then returned to the hospital for a bit.
This is when we saw that Tera's oxygen had risen to 42%. When we left, the Charge Nurse and our Night Nurse, were sitting at the desk with Tera's binder open, analyzing every possible solution to the problem. This is what I like to see - collaboration! It's always a good idea when more than one mind is thinking about how to make my child better. I know that all of the doctors and nurses do this on a regular basis, but it was encouraging to see it tonight, especially after having been so worried all day and feeling like my concerns weren't being taken quite as seriously as I would have liked. I felt comfortable leaving though I knew I would be calling in soon to check in on everything.
Today's chapter from our daily reading routine was "Praying for a Servant's Heart." Oh, if I only had one prayer for my children, I think this would be it, that they would seek to serve rather than be served. If, as Christians, we are to strive to live like Jesus, what better way to demonstrate that lifestyle than to serve others. Berndt brings to attention the fact that servanthood involves both recognizing needs and taking action. "Heartfelt service, in other words, goes beyond merely rejoicing when another person succeeds; it involves taking action that contributes to the victory."
Servanthood also involves self-sacrifice. This means two things to me. First, you serve despite how it will effect your time, your money, your energy, or your attitude. If you think it will mess up your day, you should probably try to make it happen anyway. But second, you don't necessarily share everything that you've done to serve. That's the self-sacrificing part of it that I think many of us (myself included) overlook. How much of a sacrifice is it if you're seeking everyone's appreciation and honor for what you have done to help someone else? Sometimes I question the sincerity of service when I hear how many hundreds of people "we" have as missionaries around the world or what "I've" done this week for others. The missionaries around the world don't care that they are 1 in 459 missionaries in Africa. They just care that they are doing good in Africa, no matter who knows about it. The person I help doesn't care how many people know that I helped her. She just cares that someone did something. I haven't read the whole Bible yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to find any part that says, "And Jesus said, 'Hey, guys! Let me tell you about this awesome thing I did today." In fact, I'd like to count how many times Jesus even says "I," especially in reference to serving others. I'd be willing to be that number is small.
When speaking specifically for our children, Berndt also says that we shouldn't place limits on the kind of service our children will do - how or where or for whom. She references Colossians 3:23-24 which says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." She explains that when we remember this, we put the emphasis on "who" we are serving (the Lord) instead of "what" or "how" we are serving. As with everything else, no matter how large or small the service our children provide is, if it is done for Him and in His name, it is greater than we, as parents, could ever imagine.
Our prayer tonight is: "Let Canon and Tera do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than themselves. Let them look not only to their own interests, but also to the interests of others, and let their attitudes be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:3-5.
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