Is There Anything Too Insignificant When It Comes to Your Children?

" . . . those who hope in me will not be disappointed." Isaiah 49:23

Day of Life: 17

MyGoo and I arrived at the hospital at our normal time this morning, on this time, I was actually there when the doctors made their rounds. I'm sure most nurses would probably be offended to know how much comfort I get from hearing their Tera Analysis each morning (they should be able to give me the same / better information than the doctors), but I do find that comfort in hearing it from them. It's not that I don't trust our nurses. I just like to hear it from someone in a white coat from time to time.

The Plan for Today
Tera had lost twenty-five grams since yesterday, and that worried me. She's been getting an increased amount of milk over the last several days (still at 16cc today), so it doesn't make sense to me that she would be losing weight. When I asked the docs about this today, the Attending told me not to look at her weight from one day to the next. Instead, I should look at her weight over the course of a week to see how things have improved or worsened. They did decide to double the amount of fortifier they are adding to my milk. This will double the calories she is getting. My next step, if she continues to lose weight, is to see if they will test the calories in my milk. I'm producing plenty, but if it's not naturally fortified enough, we may need to take other steps. He also said in regards to my questioning, that we should expect her to be back at her birthweight after a month. This was a bit disheartening for a couple of reasons. First, she can't take a bottle until she is a certain weight (I think 1200 grams). Second, she can't get into a crib until a certain weight (I think 1600 grams). I thought we were getting closer and closer to those goals, but now they seem to be slipping further away. The other thing decided today was to come off the bili lights once again. She's been off and on every other day for over a week now it seems. I'm hoping this time it is for good - though her weight loss is not giving me comfort.

What Actually Happened Today
Today is MyGoo's last (consecutive) day with me. Doc came to visit this morning, and they left around lunchtime to head back home. I have absolutely loved having my mom here. I honestly can't remember if we've always had this kind of relationship, but during our time together in the NICU and CCN, we could just sit in a room quietly without feeling the need to fill the silence. It's not that we never talked. I don't think any two women can be together all day for five days in a row and not share more with each other than they probably would have otherwise. Neither one of us felt the need, however, to entertain the other one. MyGoo did her Sudoku puzzles, worked on her Bible Study, or checked FaceBook, while I updated my blog, stared at Tera, or performed my motherly/cowly duties. She would pump me up to talk to the doctors and nurses when I needed a little extra push. Not to mention the fact that she didn't let me raise a finger the whole time she was here. We ate at some really great restaurants and managed to take a few extra breaks to go to the grocery store or to buy baby stuff. It definitely wasn't the best of circumstances to get to stay together for so long, but I think we made it work pretty well. She'll be back to visit as often as possible, I'm sure. I think once a week is the plan right now, but one thing we've learned is that in this place, plans are rarely carried out and, therefore, unnecessary to make at times.

Just before MyGoo and Doc left, we talked about the possibility of me moving to a bigger room and, preferably, one with a window. We had a great room in the NICU, and we were hoping to get something more like it. I felt horrible even discussing it with the nurse. It kind of felt like I was at a really nice hotel complaining about some petty and insignificant and demanding something better. I didn't really even have to ask the nurse anything. She heard us discussing it and remembered that a baby was being discharged that very morning, and her room was much better than the window-less cubicle we were currently in. She even walked us over to it and had us go in to talk to the family. Oh, the shame! They were very sweet, of course, but I couldn't help feeling like "that woman" who's never happy with anything. Oh, well. Too late now. Soon after my parents left, the room was cleaned, and I was moving all of our junk to its new location. The room really is much bigger and set up more like our old room upstairs. Plus, it's right next to the Family Room, so when Canon comes up, he has a place nearby to play.

We had friends in and out most of the day, so I ended up spending all day at the hospital, most of it by myself. I really didn't mind though. I had left my computer and nook at home because I wasn't expecting to stay so long. Having those would have made the day a little smoother, but again, we had so many friends coming and going that I don't know how much time I would have spent on them anyway.

Barry and Canon arrived at the hospital about 5:30! I was just waiting for some other fungus or disease to make its presence known before they got here, but it didn't and they are here now! I made the horrible mistake of telling the nurse that I wanted to hold Tera right as they were arriving. I was able to give them both hugs before getting Tera snuggled in. This was not a good idea. Canon is a little rambunctious anyway, but especially after being held hostage in a car for three hours. It's dangerous enough to have him in the room when Tera is in her enclosed chamber, but when she's out in the open-air and low enough to the ground for him to hit, kick, or punch, Barry and I both lost our nerves a little with that one. Secondly, Barry's parents and grandmother also arrived at the hospital about the same time as Canon. I know Big Mom loved seeing me hold Tera, but all she could see was her head most of the time she was here.

I held Tera for about an hour before we put her back in the bed. She highsat-ed for several minutes. This means that her oxygen intake is higher than it should be, which means that they can lower the amount of oxygen entering her isollette. In fact, after holding her, Teri was able to take her oxygen down to 22%. I was so excited about that, thinking that it wouldn't be long now before we're on room air. Within just a couple of minutes of Teri turning it down, Tera started desat-ing regularly so that it was back up to 26% before I left for the night.

Poppa and Big Mom took Canon back to Big Mom's house to spend the night. Nonna had an overnight church engagement with a young girls' group from their church. Taking advantage of our freedom, Barry and I decided to go out to eat and to a movie. We made it to dinner by about 8:00 and made plans to attend the 10:25 movie. I should have known that would never happen. We had to stop back by Lydia's house before we went to the movie and, while there, Barry fell asleep watching basketball. We decided a movie wasn't the best option for us tonight.

The Many Sleeping Positions of Tera
I was getting cracked up today at the different ways that Tera moved around. She was twitching and stretching and just overall moving more than normal today. I captured a few shots of her various positions throughout the day and thought I should share them with everyone.
This is how I first found her this morning.

This one was taken sometime during the middle of the day. At one point, the whole bottom half of her arm was under her body. She was so mobile today!

And here she is right before Barry and I left for the night. Barry made me move her hand so that it didn't stay stuck.